“Aww, you look so cute today, bitsy baby!” The sweet, and slightly condescending tone of the overcompensating co-worker filled my ears. Personally, I love Halloween. Working in an office, you don’t get to express yourself with more than a few knick-knacks on your desk, or if you are lucky, you can change your computer wallpaper to something ‘office appropriate.’ Halloween was the one day you could just be anything. Sure it couldn’t be outrageously scandalous, but when you reach a point in adulthood, being anything but normal within reason is a highlight of the year.

Today, I went with a personal favorite of mine, Luigi, the quintessential youngest sibling character, and my tall, albeit curvy frame might not have been identical to Luigi’s lean build. The green onesie, covered up by a bright blue pinafore, green thigh-high socks, and a hat, really made me feel special. The thing that made me twitch when Christian called me cute was the fact that to the outside world, I was anything but. Unfortunately for me, hidden under my pinafore, as a part of the punishment for slipping up during the last week of ‘Locktober,’ from my Daddy was to wear a particularly thick diaper all day, under locking panties. To the office, I was Luigi, but I was one slight bend too far from becoming “baby Luigi,” instead.

I gave Christian a quick nod before quickly walking away, trying my best to hide the waddle created by the diapers under my skirt. I made it back to my cubicle before anyone else decided to say anything to me. With a grateful sigh, I popped in my green and white pacifier, a giant ’L’ on the front. I was confused for a moment, ‘Did I want to be seen sucking my pacifier at work?’ I shook my head, as I felt my mouth rhythmically sucking away on the bulb of the pacifier in my mouth, ‘Of course, it keeps me focused on my paperwork.’ 

“Hey sweetie, are you almost done with those reports?” Myra asked over the wall of my cubicle, her voice sweet and syrupy, almost as if she was talking down to me, Miss. Myra was too nice to do that, of course, so I was confused why it sounded that way to me at first. 

“No, Mith Mywa,” I said around my pacifier, which caused Miss Myra to clear her throat, reminding me to stand up and let her remove my pacifier before responding to her. I quickly stood up, subconsciously adjusting my skirt before stepping toward the wall of the cubicle, my chin just above the divider as Miss Myra pulled out my paci before, and letting it dangle on its green and white clip attached to my onesie. That was a rule at my house with Daddy. Why was I suddenly following it here? It didn’t matter at the moment, so I brushed it off with a smile before continuing, “No, Miss Myra, almost I just got a little distracted, sorry.” Miss Myra raised an eyebrow at that, but seemed to be satiated with my reply as she plopped the pacifier back in my mouth. Miss Myra motioned for me to go back to my desk. 

“Aww, I’m so sad your Daddy went with cute instead of spooky,” Charlie said, walking over to me, holding out what appeared to be a stack of papers, I looked at them and noticed they were all simple lined drawings of cartoon characters, and I felt my heart flutter before looking up at them from my desk with a pout. ‘I had picked out my costume, not Daddy…’ I had to pause again, something seemed wrong about Mx. Charlie called my Daddy, Daddy, but I couldn’t really put a finger on it. Besides that, the new coloring pages Mx. Charlie was giving to me seemed much more important; I knew if I did a good job, I could have them put up on the refrigerator in the lounge. I felt Mx. Charlie tousled my hair, before walking away, which left me pouting up at Miss Myra. She didn’t say anything but gave me a reassuring look. 

“You’re doing such a good job, little one!” The excited voice of Mrs. Nikki filled my ears as I put one of the many coloring pages I had finished to one side of my playpen. I was sitting by Miss Myra, my office sitter, as I heard Mrs. Nikki, and gave what Daddy called “Happy Wiggles” to the compliment before holding up one of the pages toward the woman standing outside the gate. She laughed gently before speaking, “Oh no, sweetheart, you keep on doing your very important work, Daddy is gonna be really impressed if you can finish them all before he picks you up.” I tilted my head again, ‘Why would Daddy pick me up? I drove to…' My head felt funny for a moment, which distracted me from the problem of Daddy picking me up, and before I could continue, I felt my pacifier being removed and the nipple of a bottle being popped in my mouth. I instinctively started sucking away, holding the bottle with both hands, like a good girl does. 

“She is so cute, with her little diaper butt poking out.” Someone said with a giggle. I didn’t really know who was talking now. I had rolled onto my back, sucking away on my bottle, enjoying the warm milk flow down my throat. I was trying to drink as fast as possible, so I could get back to coloring. I felt my tummy rumble for a moment, which made me roll onto my tummy before crawling toward Miss Myra. Looking up at my sitter, I wanted to say something, but before I could, another grown-up spoke.

“I didn’t think that the hypnosis would be so powerful; it just takes a few minutes, and she is totally gone. Who knew she was into this stuff?" I didn’t really understand what the grown-up was talking about. I tried to pay attention to their conversation, but my tummy kept rumbling. I didn’t want to interrupt the grown-ups, good girls waited until the grown-ups weren’t busy talking. Unfortunately, my tummy wasn’t a good girl, and I felt a rush of poop empty out of me, the smell hitting me, before either of the adults. As the smell hit them, I had already started shifting to take a seat, waiting patiently for a grown-up to check my diaper.

“I already talked to her Daddy, we can keep her like this all the time, if we want. I vote yes, dirty diapers and all.” Miss Myra said, with a gentle stroke of my cheek, before continuing, “It was a real treat that we said her trigger word at the start of the month.”

Chapter 1: Endings and Beginnings

The pull and push of what can only be described as reality and death started affecting her being, no, her body, somehow she realized that was gone, but feelings of something trying to move her essences was something she grasped onto, the feeling of whatever these otherworldly forces felt like thread, no they were thicker, like rope. There were only three, one warm and comforting, she could tell that was some kind of ending, where those who were done living flowed. Another felt cold, distant, but not bitter, the best she could understand that rope to be was simply an end, nothing beyond it, because following that rope would lead to an eternity of following the rope into the endless void. The last one, the last one had a feeling of familiarity and newness, the same feeling as when you go home but the city had added in more buildings and expanded slightly, she feel that this one didn’t exactly pull her in, nor did it push her away, like her in this moment, it was simply existing in non-existence. 

She wasn’t finished, she wanted to live the life she was living, aiming to have a calm day here and there, be with the animals that created a peace of mind in her heart and soul, if any path could lead her to that, the third one seemed most likely. The choice was made even before she realized it herself, like her essence didn’t need confirmation from a brain that didn’t exist anymore; the choice was instinctive and final, the feeling of the space around her moving at a slow, consistent pace before quickly speeding up. The telltale light at the end of the dark tunnel began to glimmer in the space ahead of her, even if she was now aware of the fact that she didn’t have eyes to see, her essence processed what was happening, and connected it to her experiences. As the light grew brighter and brighter, something strange happened: a voice, disconnected from all things not only around her but even in her memories, echoed out.
 
  “Error, Error,” The voice quickly became disconnected from continuity, and she could only catch parts of it suddenly. “Multiple…” “Soul R-…” “Failed…” “Error…” “Adjustments…” “Failure…” She tried to focus on the voice, the disconnected words, trying to find out what was happening, but between the ever- growing light and the fact that she didn’t have a body to push beyond the limits, there was no way for her to find out what was really going on. The light continued to grow, quickly overpowering all her other senses, before silence, and calm, and a new voice muffled but nearby, one filled with worry, and concern. Then, with reality slowly fluttering back into her field of view, the blurry shapes, the gentle touch and the warmth of another person touching her body, the voice calmly spoke;

“There we go… a beautiful girl, with such pretty eyes.” The voice chuckled warmly as she felt herself being handled with ease and care, slowly swaddled in a towel, soft yet a bit itchy. The young woman’s skin was extremely sensitive all of a sudden, and things were still only beginning to clear up; however, a warm voice that she felt an instant connection to whispered into her ear as she felt herself being held by some unknown being.

“Hello, my little angel… my little Seraphine.” The warm voice seemed to connect to the girl, turned child, no, turned baby. The voice of her mother, a warmth and connection that she had all but forgotten because of her previous choice to seek happiness instead of social acceptance. It felt… nice.