A Vacation Mode enabled

I took a year to think about it, and I've decided to officially retire from porn. PLEASE UNSUBSCRIBE SO I CAN DELETE MY ACCOUNT AND FEEL SQUEAKY CLEAN!

===final message===

This was the 3rd time I started, and now, quit porn. This 3rd time was the charm since it earned me good money, and even led me to creating my first video game! That was awesome.

But I just got tired of living the double life. If I was isolated, lived alone, didn't have to socialize for work, I would probably still be an addicted producer. It was kind people who knew nothing about me that made me want to quit, because I just always had this dark secret that could make me repulsive even though they were so sweet to me.

Lxli is also gray-area banned in my country, so I wanted to move to Japan to safely produce it, and potentially be around like-minded people too, even though it's not my primary fetish/was just fun and transgressive to do. Although no judgement to those whom it is so.

But I suppose my use of nuns/holy imagery meant I had that actual inclination subconsciously. One of my favorite artists Nudaru also quit porn after making her comic "Holylickers". It's like you try and corrupt God, and He ends up purifying you haha. Amazing stuff.

Of course I've not converted. I'm still gay AF. Irl I would like to marry a (legal of age) femboy or transgender woman. But that's right; MARRY. I'm done with spending my seed on porn.

In 3 days, I will complete ONE YEAR WITHOUT MASTURBATION. So that's how I serious I AM about turning over a new leaf.

But unfortunately I can't delete my account until everyone unsubscribes (?) or rather it would speed up the deletion process. But if that is the case, I'll occasionally check to see if it's closed.

In the mean time, if you resonate with any of this and feel like porn has been eating away at your life and you would like to breathe new air, or any other sexual issues you may be having, like feeling judged or isolated because of your sexuality, and want a way to express it healthily, you can talk to me.

It was friends I made from porn circles that helped me feel okay about being bisexual and into traps/transgirls, etc.. but porn and sex addiction in the LGBT community is very bad. And can even lead to hard drugs (like meth! 🤮).

So I guess sometimes porn isn't so bad, because sex irl can be risky and scary. But addictions always escalate. You just don't know where you'll end up down the line. Your boundaries degrade over time.

Luckily I was able to turn my life around after this year of contemplation and meditation. But if I never got addicted to porn, I would have married my high school sweetheart. The girl I fell in love with at first sight. We actually went on dates, wrote love letters. But jacking off so much just made me so awkward back then.

I fumbled and fumbled and fumbled. I watched porn while eating breakfast. I jacked off in public restrooms. I jacked off in the top bunk in college high on acid while my roommate was sleeping with his girlfriend, and they heard me and talked about it the next morning. I chaffed my dick so many times and had painful showers lol.

And we all remember Etika getting his 1M subs YouTube channel deleted after posting hentai (which he did again on another channel). He later committed suicide once it came time to pay the consequences of destroying his career.

For me, it was all because I was in pain. Pain from 1) not knowing what a healthy sex/relationship looked like since I was born in a broken home and 2) I was bi so would be judged for my orientation anyway, so might as well keep it in the dark, right!?

I watched so much porn just to see other men having the same sexual interests I had, since no one else told me it was safe. But over time, that diminished my sexual self-image and I started to resent the men in porn bc they were having the sex I wanted. And so I started to enjoy watching them be dominated. I remember edging for two days straight playing "Futa Dom World", finally busting to the ending of the Mallory route (who is a priestess, by the way! Ya see?). But all that only further reduced my perceived value, and disconnected me from reality.

At that time, I thought it was the best orgasm of my life. Later on when I tried poppers, I thought that too was now the best orgasm of my life. But the true best orgasm you'll ever have is busting raw in the mouth of someone who loves you. 10/10 Lion's roar LMAO.

And if he (now she) responds to my letter, we will date and I will marry her. And if not, ok I'll take the L. But I won't give up on my vision. I will keep fighting hard to prove that true love is possible for me. And I want to be the healthy example of my sexuality for everyone who was afraid and in pain just like me.

tl;dr: I love you, I truly do. I know I could've been the best to ever do it. But I've switched timelines. You can still ride with me though if you want to.

And truth is, I was always going to build a backdoor to heaven through my dark work. The 2nd time I quit porn, my last story involved a futa girl teaching a femboy semen retention/non-ejaculatory orgasms/karezza.

And that's because the light world would never want to touch you guys, but I was willing to shine a light, even in Hell. Someone has to do it.

But it's just no longer my Karma to stick around and do that long-term. Not from this side of the tracks.

Remember this, and goodbye.