Hey everyone, it’s been a while and I’m sorry for going dark for so long once again.

I wish I had a story/chapter to attach to this post, but for reasons I'll get into I wasn't able to write anything for some time.

 

In an effort to avoid the nebulous "life stuff" that I and others have used to explain a prolonged absence, I figured I'd try to explain without this becoming a bloated blog post.

For those I've talked to and ghosted in the past, I apologize and in no way use any of this as an excuse for being so rude. 

 

The short version is, I was receiving treatment for my severe drinking problem (again), which has made writing difficult in various ways.

 

There was a particularly shitty day at work where I came home and found empty liquor bottles  littering the floors, shelves, and many other surfaces. After a quick tally, I'd realized that I'd been emptying a fifth of liquor (45% bourbon) a day, and sometimes more. After a "come to jesus moment" as it has been called, I realized how much I hated my line of work and life and needed to get some help and make some changes.

 

That was about four years ago, I had been drinking just as heavily long before that, and and it had only become worse since.

 

Even after quitting that awful line of work and supposedly becoming happier, I once again had that "come to jesus" moment a few months ago, albeit with entire handles of liquor littering my home instead of "just" a fifth a day. I was at the point where I would be lucky if a handle lasted more than two days and, along with some finer details I’ll skip over, I was finally confronted with the (rather obvious) fact that it would only be a matter of time before I developed the "shakes" from withdrawal, cirrhosis, or god forbid Wernicke's Syndrome far down the line. If I didn't drink myself to death, then I would at least drink myself into debt.

 

Anyway why does any of this matter in regards to my writing, or continuing to write, other than explaining the unannounced hiatus?

Well, it has a few parts:

 

Firstly, I think I had trained myself to need that buzz from drinking to both write and gather inspiration. As I am no longer drinking, I partially correlate it with my lack of drive or inspiration to write/continue any stories. I don't think my desire to write is solely tied to my intake of alcohol, but I do think I need to get used to not getting shit faced to write a story. I can still vividly remember the first time I sat down to write smut back in 2018 or 2019, where I drunkenly thought "There isn't enough blonde Jill from RE5 getting slammed by big black cocks", and proceeded to begin writing (a rather bad story). I suppose I just need to sever the connection with drinking, or at least the habit.

 

Secondly, it would seem that my libido has been severely lowered/dampened from not drinking, and is almost nonexistent at the moment. At the risk of sounding crass (which is funny, coming from a smut writer like me), my level of horny was directly tied to how much I want to write/how much I "get into the story”. Apparently this is common with heavy drinkers when they stop, where testosterone and estrogen levels get out of wack once the body is no longer trying to counter the chemical imbalance brought on by years of heavy drinking. Supposedly it can take a few months to a year to come back, so we'll see if I can revive and focus that hornyness once again.

 

Thirdly, and most surprising in my opinion, it seems I have bipolar disorder (actually diagnosed of course, not Tumblr diagnosed). While a bit unbelievable at the time, it made quite a bit of sense in hindsight. I would have these bursts of energy and inspiration in damn near all aspects of life (to include my writing, of course), only for it all to crash seemingly at random every few days or weeks or longer where I wouldn’t want to do anything or interact with anyone. 

I can remember many times in the past just feeling like a switch was flipped, as if all the strength and energy just died for no reason, and thinking "welp, looks like I’m gonna hate myself for a while" only to suck it up and endure the hell of my previous job. I had become so used to it that I could even notice that "I haven't been feeling shitty in a while, it'll probably happen soon". I'm not sure how long I’ve been like that, or if the alcohol was the cause or just exacerbated it, but I can say it explained a lot of personal stuff for me, particularly in how I go so long without writing or be act like an ass to people.

 

 

 

So there you have it, I've been a day drinking alcoholic for well over a decade, went to rehab again, and learned I've also been bipolar for who knows how long.

I've tried The Big Book, CBT (no, not that), EMDR, been to rehabs/therapy many times, and goddamn all I want to do is drink again.

While probably excessive in detail, I hope this wasn't a downer for those that read it all. I only bring all this up as I have questioned the legitimacy of a creator “dealing with life stuff” to not post/make anything, and feel guilty for doing the same.

I certainly don't want to stop writing, but I don't know when I will start again. I've realized just how tied in it was with my drinking, and I have about 5 years of conditioning to get over.

I appreciate everyone that has taken the time to read my stories and I will do my best to get back at it. While I haven’t had access to my computer recently, I did read some of my old stories on my phone and was disgusted with how many spelling errors there are. While a bit late, I plan to comb through those and clean them up.

 

Sorry again for going silent and for not posting anything. While I may not have had access to subscribstar for a time, I still feel bad for not at least mentioning that stories are on hold. 

For anyone that messaged me, or I messaged them, and I never responded, I’m once again very sorry. I don’t believe the above is a sufficient excuse and I’ll do my best to respond and apologize personally as I get everything back in order.

 

As always, thanks for reading and I hope to have more for you all soon.

New Chapter of Lillian and her faithful Companions!
https://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/HotGarbage/65493/The-Consequences-of-Monster-Taming/185383/Chapter-3/Debute-in-High-Society

Sorry it took so long to get a new chapter (of anything) up. I was sort of in a limbo of figuring out what to work on next, started working on one story before jumping to another, and finally settled on this one (which got rewritten, split up, combined with other stories, and other things that slowed it all down).

But anyway, here it is!

A new chapter is up for my old Monster Tamer Goblin story:
https://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/HotGarbage/65493/The-Consequences-of-Monster-Taming/183763/Chapter-2/Class-based-Passive-Skills

[Human Ova] (3x) have been successfully implanted by [Goblin Sperm] and have become [Goblin Ova] (3x).

And here we are finally, my first canine focused story I've posted (even though I have several WIPs)
https://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/HotGarbage/65595/Cursed-Bonds-Between-Knight-and-Steed/183144/Chapter-5/Treading-Beast-Path-Part-2---The-Hound

Once again, you might want to check the update to the last story so it makes sense why I'm suddenly writing about a new character.
Or don't if you only care for the smut, which I don't blame you for.

The next chapter for Cursed Bonds will be done sometime today or tomorrow, but I wanted to mention the update to the last chapter.

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If you don't care about the details, just go to this chapter and check the end for some nice and rough breeding of Monette waking up at the Herdstone:
https://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/HotGarbage/65595/Cursed-Bonds-Between-Knight-and-Steed/182730/Chapter-4/Treading-Beast-Path-Part-1
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The Beastman arc has essentially tripled in size, and because of that I had to split some chapters up. This led to Monette's arrival at the Herdstone being added to "Treading the Beast-Path (Part 1)" to more fluidly go into the next chapters.

The original plan for Part 2 was for everything below to be in one chapter and roughly be around 10k words, and maybe a few thousand more give or take.
Treading the Beast Path (Part 2)
- Herdstone Intro
- Side Character 1
- Side Character 2
- Monette at the Herdstone
- Herdstone Outro

Side character 1 has ballooned into nearly 10k words, and I anticipate the same happening to the other side character as well. This would turn this one chapter into around 30k words (albeit with a ton of smut), which would mean quite a while until it was done. Because I enjoy actually posting stories and don't want to get bored and move onto something else, the Beastman arc has essentially turned into this:

- Herdstone Intro (Moved into Part 1)
- Side Character 1 (Gets own chapter)
- Side Character 2 (Gets own chapter)
- Monette at the Herdstone/Herdstone Outro (likely combined in own chapter)
- Alternate Ending 3 (Chapter made some time in the future)

You all probably don't care about this, and I only bring it up because this is going to look so weird once I post the next chapter. So I suppose this is partially just me mapping this all out as I make a post about the previous chapter getting updated.

Anyway, Part 1 now has a section about Monette bound and fucked at the Herdstone.
Enjoy!

New chapter (part 1) of Monette overcoming the trials and tribulations of her curse in the face of overwhelming odds/beast cock:
https://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/HotGarbage/65595/Cursed-Bonds-Between-Knight-and-Steed/182730/Chapter-4/Treading-Beast-Path-Part-1