I've been feeling really depressed lately. The kind of depressed where thinking about drawing hurts my heart. So... I made this motivational poster for myself and hung it on the wall in front of my desk.

You'll notice it mentions my subscribers. That is you, yes, but it is not an attack on you. I make $4 a month on this platform. I could get banned right now and that's all it would cost me. I said back when I made this profile only one $1-tier that it wasn't about the money, and it still isn't. It can't be about the money unless I'm making enough ($2000+) to quit my day job. But then what WAS it about?

It was about attention. It was about approval. It was about validation.

It was about trying to build a community of more than just monetary supporters. This SubscribeStar only exists as a way of gauging my worth in others' eyes; to see if they think I or my work are worth $1. As of my writing this, there only 7 such people. WAPAYI doesn't even have any fanart yet, and my comment sections have been lacking ever since I did that "Bar of Forgotten Cartoon Legends" piece. But if I keep expecting WAPAYI to blow up in popularity every time I upload a new page, I'm gonna be disappointed every time.

It's obvious that me and my art are not on the appropriate level yet. I feel like if we were, I'd be getting more commissions, but the last comm I got was from a good friend, and that was almost a year ago.

I'm gonna do some private drawing for a while; maybe try out some different art software. Draw some stuff that other people won't necessarily see. Because since starting WAPAYI, I've posted every single bit of its art here. And I keep trying to post here a lot so that none of my subs leave. I'm too optimistic and am feeling too obligated. Obligated by $4 a month.

I'm sorry if this disappoints any of you, but I did have plans for a while to shut this place down (but it won't let me so long as I have even one sub). This isn't technically a hiatus, because I will still be drawing (maybe streaming on Pomf, Picarto, or Twitch) and MAY occasionally post some art, but I still need to figure out what my actual reasons for doing so would be, because I can't even ask for feedback or advice here. I've tried.

I need to find the fun again.

(also included, since I'm here anyway, is a wip for the next page)