I've been feeling really depressed lately. The kind of depressed where thinking about drawing hurts my heart. So... I made this motivational poster for myself and hung it on the wall in front of my desk.

You'll notice it mentions my subscribers. That is you, yes, but it is not an attack on you. I make $4 a month on this platform. I could get banned right now and that's all it would cost me. I said back when I made this profile only one $1-tier that it wasn't about the money, and it still isn't. It can't be about the money unless I'm making enough ($2000+) to quit my day job. But then what WAS it about?

It was about attention. It was about approval. It was about validation.

It was about trying to build a community of more than just monetary supporters. This SubscribeStar only exists as a way of gauging my worth in others' eyes; to see if they think I or my work are worth $1. As of my writing this, there only 7 such people. WAPAYI doesn't even have any fanart yet, and my comment sections have been lacking ever since I did that "Bar of Forgotten Cartoon Legends" piece. But if I keep expecting WAPAYI to blow up in popularity every time I upload a new page, I'm gonna be disappointed every time.

It's obvious that me and my art are not on the appropriate level yet. I feel like if we were, I'd be getting more commissions, but the last comm I got was from a good friend, and that was almost a year ago.

I'm gonna do some private drawing for a while; maybe try out some different art software. Draw some stuff that other people won't necessarily see. Because since starting WAPAYI, I've posted every single bit of its art here. And I keep trying to post here a lot so that none of my subs leave. I'm too optimistic and am feeling too obligated. Obligated by $4 a month.

I'm sorry if this disappoints any of you, but I did have plans for a while to shut this place down (but it won't let me so long as I have even one sub). This isn't technically a hiatus, because I will still be drawing (maybe streaming on Pomf, Picarto, or Twitch) and MAY occasionally post some art, but I still need to figure out what my actual reasons for doing so would be, because I can't even ask for feedback or advice here. I've tried.

I need to find the fun again.

(also included, since I'm here anyway, is a wip for the next page)

Okay, I've put this off long enough.
I am officially coming out of hiatus.
I've finished my therapy and feel much better now.

On another note...
HOW.
HOW did I go on hiatus for four months and GAIN subscribers?
I have my theories, but considering my track record of comments, I'll definitely never know for sure.

This is a public post. My next posts will have several pieces of art that I've slowly worked on toward the end of my absence. I wanted to have something for you before returning.

I was recently diagnosed with "severe" depression and anxiety. I'm 13 days into my new medication (escitalopram) and I've just been feeling horrible. I think I need to take a break from the internet, because I've been obsessing over it and the strangers whose opinions I care way too much about for a very long time. For 14 years, in fact. Ever since I was first given free access to the internet, I've been working so hard to build a following, only to repeatedly fail. I need some time to reflect and relax. Do some stuff just for myself for once, without making a public project out of it. During that time, I will understand if you unsub. I need to rethink the fate of this place, too.

Since no one objected to my proposition last week, I have gone through with my plan to reconstruct my SubscribeStar profile. There is now only one $1 tier, and all rewards will be posted to that. I also took the liberty of going back through ALL my posts and adjusting their visibility, so if you couldn't see them before, you can now!

It is my hope that doing this will attract more subs, because as I said before, having a bigger community is more important to me than money. So if you really want to support me, spread the word and share my work!

While I greatly appreciate the support and generosity my subs have been showing me, I just can't shake this guilty feeling that I might be taking advantage of you. The lack of likes/comments implies to me that you're not here for the content I've been posting, but rather because you want to support an artist you like (preesh all 'round ^_^). At the same time, I've been neglecting posting HQ images and project files, instead just saying that $5 and $10 subs can simply request them. Except only one person has done that so far. It's not fair of me to expect higher-tier subs if I'm not rewarding them.

Which is why I think I should do away with the higher tiers entirely. While money is nice and all, it's actually pointless for me to earn money here if it's not enough for me to quit my dayjob (or at least afford one paid art program). And until that happens, the number of subs, a larger community/fanbase, is what I'm really interested in, not how much they're paying me to post maybe once a week. I actually made more money from these two commissions I just got than my lifetime SubscribeStar earnings.

So here's my proposition: One tier, one dollar. Everyone in this tier gets everything, and can request HQ images and project files. You get everything for a dollar, AND all subs get a 5% discount on NSFW commissions, or 10% for any commission involving WAPAYI.

That sound cool? If there are no reasonable objections, I will move forward with this plan in one week.

Little side note pertaining to WAPAYI's upload schedule:
I will not be posting the $5 HQ versions every single time. Usually, I'll only do it if it's a comic I'm very proud of. But you can always request that I do so, so please don't be shy about asking.
$10 project files must be requested.