No update patch this time around again. This is a mess up on my end, and I had simply forgotten to actually track my shit. Considering the considerable size crunch of 0.18.1 (About 11GB taking into consideration new content), I'll likely refrain from patch updates for the next few updates at least.
King and Sam focused update.
I'll update this Devlog when the Android and Compressed builds are available.
Anywhore, with this update, I’m going to be taking a week off from development for my own sanity, something I haven’t done in over a year. (I’m a seepy guy, guys.)
Changelog:
• 5 Sam Events
• 5 King Events
• 2,239 Lines of Dialogue
• 23,472 Words
• 873 Renders
• Bugs slaughtered.
• Grammars dun fixed
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
LINKS
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Windows/Linux/Mac/Android Builds (Including PC Compressed, and patches): Google Drive | Mega | Mediafire
No update patch this time around again. This is a mess up on my end, and I had simply forgotten to actually track my shit. Considering the considerable size crunch of 0.18.1 (About 11GB taking into consideration new content), I'll likely refrain from patch updates for the next few updates at least.
King and Sam focused update.
I'll update this Devlog when the Android and Compressed builds are available.
Anywhore, with this update, I’m going to be taking a week off from development for my own sanity, something I haven’t done in over a year. (I’m a seepy guy, guys.)
Changelog:
• 5 Sam Events
• 5 King Events
• 2,239 Lines of Dialogue
• 23,472 Words
• 873 Renders
• Bugs slaughtered.
• Grammars dun fixed
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
LINKS
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Windows/Linux/Mac/Android Builds (Including PC Compressed, and patches): Google Drive | Mega | Mediafire
I just wanted to preface this all by thanking every single one of you for your support so far. It really means a lot to me that so many folks like my media vomit.
Detached is still very much in progress, but as I'm sure you have noticed, there's been a bit of a slowdown. I've touched on this before, as I am trying to find a balance between IRL work, development, and having a personal life and hobbies. It's a lot, and I love doing all of it.
As many of you know, I also deal with severe mental health issues. I've made this apparent from nearly the beginning. It's not something that I will be going into to much detail about, as a lot of it is incredibly private and scary to me. There is a reason why I write misery as I do.
I've mentioned this before, but this year has been... well, rough. Without getting into too many details, the act of simply existing has been a slog to get through. I've been in the midst of confronting some of these issues, and, well, I feel like an oppressive weight that I never knew was there has been lifted from my shoulders.
This year has been a year of incredibly intense self-reflection and growth, and I've been doing it alone and in my head until very recently. All I can say that I will forever be grateful to Mrs. Scruffles and her incredible support. Without her in general, I can't say that I would come this far.
And now for the meat and potatoes of this post.
While I am still actively chunking out pieces of this update, I feel like I do not deserve your monetary kindness. Not until I find my stride again.I have paused payments until January 3rd.
I just wanted to end this portion of the devlog by thanking you all again, you've been so very incredibly kind to me.
That said, I'm not going anywhere, and neither is Detached. The future of Detached is (somewhat) planned, and I have a clear goal to work towards. This project has singlehandedly restarted my love of the arts, and I refuse to let something as stupid as mental health hold me down for long. I haven't survived this long only to be taken out because I was sad. I ain't no bitch.
The above image is a rough plot map for the story.
Anywhore, feel free to join the Detached Discord. It's quiet, but everyone that participates is super chill. I wouldn't be where I am today with Detached without these amazing people at my back.
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Scruffles' Devlog 14 - Ego Death, Growth, and Development
Sup, folks!
Whew, the last couple of months have been… something else. Been saying that a lot lately.
Not a whole lot has happened, really. The folks at work that have been giving me issues have been dealt with, which was okay I guess, but also kinda meh? I dunno, but one disappeared for over a week and came back a completely different person. That was fucking wild. I decided to slow down on the medical appointments to give myself time to breathe and process a bunch of shit. Purged some old social media accounts (also had to save some old memories from my old crusty punk days though), and that proceeded to send me down a spiral that resulted in what I'm pretty sure was a two week long manic episode, and into a much needed four week medical leave of absence from work so I can work on my head.
I gotta say, Meta is really strict about giving up their precious money-making data, and that corporate greed really made it difficult to do the thing. I'm nothing if not persistent though, and manually picked through and deleted years of my life. Post by post, picture by picture.
As a result of the purge, I've been facing a lot about myself (which was simultaneously self destructive and cleansing); my life, who I was, and who I am today. I once got told by a good friend of mine that Daine was a self-insert, to which, if I was capable of feeling anything at the time, I would have been very offended by the suggestion. Daine's a piece of garbage. After going through that social media account… Well, I guess writers really do write what they know, and I guess I know a little something about being a moody, selfish, nihilistic, chronically depressed, and emotionally crippled 20-something year old chasing the next miniscule hit of serotonin like a crackhead looking for that tiny hit they dropped six hours ago when they were in surplus.
I have an entire lifetime of deconstruction to go through, and I feel like there's never going to be a day that goes by where I'm not going to be challenged internally. I'm absolutely fine with this though, and it forces me to actually deal with my problems. The ego death is actually fucking insane lmao.
Anywhore. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm feeling much better than I was. I've been playing a bunch of backlogged video games, which has been therapy to me. My house is fucking clean as fuck. Even my fucking laundry is put away (fuck folding it though, who cares what my drawers look like).
Hell, I've even picked up a pencil and doodled a couple doodles while camping, something I haven't done in a minute. You can check out the uncensored Lupe doodle here (I'm hesitant to post it here on account of her tits being big enough to have their own orbits, and I make 𝚒̶𝚗̶𝚌̶𝚛̶𝚎̶𝚍̶𝚒̶𝚋̶𝚕̶𝚢̶ ̶𝚍̶𝚒̶𝚜̶𝚝̶𝚞̶𝚛̶𝚋̶𝚒̶𝚗̶𝚐̶ pornography).
Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that I think that I'm ready to take on development again. Slowly. At first, at least. While I'm feeling better for now, this stuff is still fresh in my head, I've still a long stretch before I get my HRT (which is gonna be its own whole thing), and I still have other personal things I need to work through.
However, I have a story to tell, and it has never once left my mind. On top of everything else, Detached has been the one imposing thing during all of this. An ugly, and sometimes silly, sometimes wholesome, sometimes cute, sometimes funny, but always fucked up story about a terrible, and terribly broken person living his shitty life born from a time when the abyss had its putrid grasp firmly around my neck.
I have poured my curdled soul into this game while in the depths of my own darkness. I went into Detached wanting to make people feel uncomfortable, to genuinely dislike the character they're being forced to play as, to try to help him become a better person maybe, to make them question their choices they make, and try to not hurt the girls that he's involved with. A lot of the time, there really is no good, definitive "right" choice in life, even if the path forward seems obvious in the moment, or even for a long time after. Every action has a consequence, and those consequences may not align with the more traditional, expected route of that choice.
This has been my ethos on the gameplay, and by extension, the story telling of Detached. As I'm sure you all know, Detached isn't a happy, fast paced story that you jump into for a quick jack off session. It's not meant to be. However, mixed in with all of that misery, fear, jealousy, anger, hate, pain… you also help develop and shape and care for these girls (and bros) through it all. It's kinda really shallow in the grand scheme of video games, sure. I'm not a professional, and I don't have the time or energy to get, like, any more crazy than I've allowed it to get to, but I feel like the quality of what is already there more than makes up for the ultimately shallow nature of this silly project. I'm always looking to improve and polish what I already have, and, by extension, what will be.
This has been my most successful, intense, complex, and polished products of my creativity. If you asked me if I could even do a first build ten years ago, my answer would have been a resoundingly indifferent "meh, I don't want to turn what I like into a job."
Honestly, I'm still like that today. That's why I've always insisted that Detached was a hobby, even while I was busy sticking my foot in my mouth with arbitrary deadlines and release dates. Detached should be fun to make (lol), not me pressuring myself to hit that next arbitrary bi-monthly timeline like some kinda deadline bitch (no shade on people that actually have some kind of real drive for their art and business, all power to them. I just know who I am lol).
I'm fine with folks not being down with that kind of mindset coming from a developer, but it is what it is, and what it is to me is a piece of my art, and I guess my soul too, that I've meticulously poured into this little project of mine that accidentally almost grew out of control before I knew it, growing into a disgusting, yet pretty abomination. A piece of my soul that I've chosen to share with the public.
I've had a lot of time to think about where I want to truly bring Detached. We're still technically in the beginning stretch of Chapter 2. Something I've mentioned before is that I want to bring in various meters to gauge where the girls are at. I never really explained the concept before. Think of them as "love/hate" meters, or whatever bullshit thematically fits here. There's an incredibly messy process I use to track progress with characters, and it's, well, fucking messy, and honestly, not very intuitive, but it fucking works, and it's really fucking basic bitch shit. I want folks to be able to visualise their progress, though. I dunno. I'll leave it to a future vote.
You may have noticed an additional stat counter on Rose's screen. That stat value indicates certain progress made with her. King also has a hidden stat called Impression, which will affect her Pride meter. While those stats are unique additional stats added to those two characters, they will still progress the same as all the other characters (the odd choice here and there, how Daine treats a situation, when certain events are played before or after others, etc, all affecting the characters' routes). These stat changes, however, are caused by (mostly) personal interactions, and will more dynamically affect these two girls specifically.
Rose is a touchy girl, and Daine is abrasive, so it makes sense that what he says and does around her really affects what she thinks of him, regardless of route. What he says and does will matter more, thus Trust. King is very much your boss, and as of Chapter 2, your mentor. You need to work to impress her, and fill her with Pride. The other girls, well, they also have stuff going on too, but it's not as… obvious at most points, nor is it as involved.
Regular and Trust Bars:
<-----|----->
(Rose's trust will vary wildly)
Pride Bar: |----------->
Thus: Progress meters. Thoughts?
Now onto the Detached storyline stuff.
Alongside weaving the (currently) 14-ish individual relationship storylines in and out of the main story, there's actually three concurrent main storylines going alongside each other in tandem within that main story.
What I'm saying is that now that the story is rapidly picking up in Chapter 2, with a lot of fucking shit planned narratively, I'm finding that I should start actually planning ahead considering the plans that I do have, bare bones as they technically are. Detached is the most complex thing I've done narratively. Now that I'm beginning to weave all of these threads in and out of each other with every update with increased frequency (story frequency, not my ineptitude with keeping a schedule lmao) and complexity, I need to start figuring out how the heck I'm gonna tie them all together.
I'm planning a complete play through of Detached. You know, actually play my shitty game instead of just testing bits and pieces of it as I go. See where there needs some touching up, touch up more grammar shit I either missed when brought to my attention or found when picking through events for specific details, see what other QoL stuff I could add in or expand on, etc. Notes. All of the notes.
Most importantly, I think I need a refresher. It's been a minute since I rewrote the intro events of Detached just before the first public release, and it's been almost a year since I've done some meaningful writing.
I also need to actually start leading the story to its intended end, of which I have many planned. And by many, I mean… Well, you'll see if we ever get there. I can't promise that it'll be, uh, well, good. I've never actually completed a story of this magnitude, nor have I finished a story in years.
Detached has been largely written with vibes and goals and story beats in mind, and filling in the rest to get there, but I've never once truly world built outside of my head, aside from putting it directly into development, or talking about future story points with friends. Now is the time to plan, and to start showing off what I've learned along the way.
After all, what are my Events, if not just a collection of miniature stories with endings that tell a larger story? I write multiple endings per update. I've grown as an author and artist thanks to all of my friends, fans, and fellow devs, I got this.
That's all far from now though, and right now, I have a game to work on.
I wonder if i should upload or stream my playthrough and progress on note taking and working and shit. I wouldn't even know where to start with that, but my voice and sociability needs practice.
Anyways, let me know what y'alls think. I'm interested in hearing about it.
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Scruffles' Devlog 13 - The Life of Scruffles
Sup, folks. It's been a minute, huh? Before I start anything, let me say this one thing; I hurt my own fucking feelings making Detached, lmao. As fans of my stupid game, I feel like I owe it to you to give you a glimpse into the current life of a Scruffles given my quiet online inactivity.
Now onto some context.
Did I previously say that I was moderately less depressed? Fuck, I mean, I have a full range of emotions now, and my fuckass brain has been working in overtime. I see with clarity, but it's suffocating, and a little exciting. I wake up feeling like I've actually slept, I don't feel as burnt out from life, I actually have energy to keep myself motivated to move, I'm eating healthier, I'm vaping less, I've been exercising more by walking a fuck ton more, playing Hatsune Miku Fitness Boxing on my Switch (that shit's a workout), and also working out without any digital waifus encouraging me.
What I mean to say is that I'm doing well for myself in most respects.
That said, let's talk transitioning. I know I've been talking about it a lot in my devlogs, but it's a really huge change in my real life. It has… really impacted me in ways I was ready for, but also completely unprepared for the unexpected emotional and mental toll that would follow.
I lost my entire family to my transition. They're still alive, and that's cool I guess. I won't get into any side tangents about it, but the long and short of it is that I am not close to my family, and I have been largely disconnected from them since I was in my late teens. I'm nearly 40 now, and I almost never think of them. I've never officially cut them off, so I chose the coward's route: the written word (actually typed because I'm not wasting money on stationery for them lol).
One family member I was always close to was my sister. There's an 11 year difference between us, and I basically raised her during her earliest years. We've always been fairly close, confidants in a bullshit family. She's always been a bit weird about trans people, so me coming out to her was a wild card that could go in any direction. Everyone else wasn't getting the courtesy of me personally reaching out to be told. She was… hesitantly accepting, let's just say.
We always have each other's backs, in the end. I mean, with the big exception of our mom. Oh man, that's always been a hot topic between us. Long story short, mom and I? We don't get along. As part of my own path of healing, I was going to be a complete piece of shit in that message (a lot of unresolved trauma, lmao).
Well, sister-dearest didn't like that. Some firm, but polite words were exchanged, and I kicked down her boundary to do it anyway. Bye bye, blood family. I was fucked afterwards. This took a while for me to properly digest and work through.
On top of that, the medical shit, holy fuck. The loops I need to jump through just to get some fucking Titty Skittles in this body is simultaneously stupid and understandable. Blood pressure was a little high, cholesterol was a little high. How do I fix it? Cut out red meat (I've been wanting to change my diet to a seafood diet anyway), cut back on nuts, portion control, eat less fast food, drink less fucking coffee (fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck lmao, doctor told me to fuck off with drinking a whole pot to myself) get my ass out there and walk and exercise, and blood pressure medication.
Also, blood and piss tests to re-check my levels, and needing to be assessed by a certified counsellor or shrink or whatever so that they can info dump on me the risks of HRT, and assess whether I'm making the decision with a sound mind (with a lovely price tag attached to the service).
I'm down 50lbs (I haven't been 180lbs in years, it's crazy how much you can let yourself go when you don't give a fuck about yourself), I'm not as exhausted all the time, I've got energy for days, my head is less cloudy, I've got actual motivation to move and do things, I find that I'm getting a little more sociable, and I just generally feel better all around.
I am also bi-racial. I am white passing, but I am half indigenous. I've faced a lot of casual racism that is unique to a mixed breed like myself. Being called a petendian by indigenous people for being "too white" to be native, or having racists that REALLY know what they hate and clock me for a native, throwing a "fuckin' chug" my way in a single night at the same party is fucking wild. Small towns, man. It's also crazy to see how quickly people who are less observant and obvious in their racism break out the slurs and drunk indian jokes once they find out you're half indigenous.
For a couple of years now, there's been an old woman at my work that says some truly fucking horrendous shit, and she means it with her entire soul. "Trans people are fucking disgusting, they creep her out, it ain't right," etc, etc. Basically invalidating my existence every day (especially now that I know that that's what is happening).
I'm a fighter though. I tried being reasonable and talking and engaging and reasoning. This bitch just doubles down, so fuck it. I get a little sassy and call her out so everyone's paying attention to us. The embarrassment alone is usually enough to get her to shut it off.
But this is the newly medicated Scruffles. They have new feelings that like to do stupid fuckass things like make me feel things and stuff like a healthy human does.
I was getting ready to go home, packing my bag in the lunch room, when I overheard "I don't think white people and coloured people should mix, it's just easier for everyone involved."
I don't know why, it just hit differently this time. I was actually mad. I still am, if I'm being honest. She's basically invalidated my entire existence by this point. And now I'm retroactively angry for all of the casual racism I've received all of my life. It's crazy what being properly medicated feels like. It just feels like rage and anger at shitty people.
Thank fuck I got a good personal circle and home life. I'd be so fucked right now if it wasn't for Mrs. Scruffles' love and support.
I was really fucking angry though. I realise I have been since my sister. I've just started to process it.
What does any of this have to do with hurting my feelings? Well… Anne's 5th event for this update has strong themes of mental and emotional abuse, and implied self harm. It also *really* hits home for me.
I wrote this on my old medication while in the fog, and I know what's in it, but feeling things while making the visuals has been so very mentally and emotionally taxing.
Anne and Daine are both struggling with the day's events. Things are existential in the ol' doom room. Anne has power over emotions and wants to be hurt and scared, and Daine has a lot of pent up anger and frustration despite his reservations and poor attempts of at least trying to be a decent person sometimes.
I'm sure that you can put 2 and 2 together.
It's not an easy thing for me to put into the world, I've found. Not because I don't want it to be there (my entire game is a 350k+ word essay on misery porn as it is), I just don't currently have the mental and emotional fortitude to offer as it's all being allocated to my IRL so I don't go fucking crazy.
I never needed mental and emotional fortitude to do an art before, so that's new.
I'm not quitting. It probably seems like I am, but I'm not. I think about Detached a lot, it's basically a quiet obsession sitting in the back of my mind, festering and rolling like a cesspool at the corner of a property until my life slows the fuck down a bit.
Detached needs its endings, and I want to see it through. I just need to work on myself before I can give you the best I can offer.
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Scruffles' Devlog 12
Easter may be over, but bunnies are eternal.
Detached Early Access is available in the Bundle Of Our Bunnieson Itch.io, alongside 15 other games from 8 other devs!
As is tradition, the bundle do be free (and as is also tradition, donations are always appreciated!), but you can get some neat bonuses at higher tiers, such as:
Not much in the grand scheme of 0.19.0 has been done, but most of the big, "moving" scenes of Anne's fifth event are complete, so it should be quick enough to wrap up her half of the update.
IRL has been a heck of a ride (not really in a bad way, it's just... a lot all at once), but more on that in the next part.
In the meantime, smut:
lol, jk, but it is available here: https://subscribestar.adult/posts/2449566
Scruffles' Parasocial Bullshit Circus
With that out of the way…
Shit, dude.
I originally had something else written, but said "Nah, fuck that," then deleted the whole thing.
These last couple of months have been so fucking busy. Spring break, appointments (and even more appointments, forever appointments, always appointments), family outings, working on myself, fixing up my home… I had every intention to pound out the rest of the update during the precious few moments I've had to myself on my vacation time from my IRL work (or at least a good chunk of it), but alas, I was also in full-time parent mode.
But I also had a lot of time to think.
I know this past year has been rocky in terms of consistent updates, and I can't thank everyone enough for showing interest and support in the development of Detached.
However, I'm currently at point in my life where I need to take a step back on development for a while so that I can get my own life in order.
I feel like I say this a lot, but I do have newcomers coming in all of the time, so I like to occasionally make sure that I'm transparent about this fact: Detached is ultimately just a hobby to me (a hobby that I intend to see through to completion, but a hobby nonetheless). I don't rely on it for money making, nor do I see it as a job. This is just me being creative and having fun making something.
That said, it's my fucking baby. I love this stupid fucking game. Development is still progressing when I have the time to put aside to work on it, but sometimes you need to slow down on things you like doing in order to take care of yourself. Stress and exhaustion are surefire ways to kill any creative motivation (especially when you've been working almost exclusively on one project for more than a hot minute).
I can't pour my heart and soul into something I love if I'm too overwhelmed to make sure that the heart and soul is there to pour.
I need to get my life in order, and get my physical and mental health on track. Anti-depressants can, unfortunately, only do so much lifting on their own, and with so much going on in life right now, I need to prioritize that.
I'm not going anywhere though. I am still working on Detached, it's just not going to be the priority that I arbitrarily told myself that it was so that I don't feel like a complete failure for not always having time to work on it, or if I need to take a creative break (I have issues).
That said, I'm still going to be as available to my community as often as I can, and will be providing these updates as I go, even if they aren't anything substantial.
I just need to be able to breathe a bit.
I will be keeping my Patreon and Subscribestar up for those of you that to want to support me despite this rough while. All of the bonuses are still applicable. I will be making posts that offer a direct link to the appropriate tiers for the downloadable bonuses, and putting them into a Collection. I previously left it to the patrons/subscribers to reach out to me, but I don't really get those requests often, and those bonuses are there for a reason. I want people to have their bonuses, so I figured that this was the best way to make them available.
As I mentioned earlier, I will still be working on Detached when I have the time and energy to, so updates will still eventually push through. The permanent early access state is still very much in effect. I encourage everyone that still wants to continue to support Detached to consider the one-time purchase on Itch (or the BOOBs bundle for even more games) instead of continuing to do the monthly thing for inconsistency.
And if you're already subscribed to the Ascended tier or above and haven't done so already, please reach out to me so I can make sure you get your Itch code.
REMINDER:
AnItch.io account is required for permanent early access!
This way, you can still support Detached and get the most recent updates as they come without the dedication of a subscription.
Thank every one of you. This project would never have become a permanent part of my identity with all of you.
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