Hey there everyone.

I'm sorry for this slightly belated update. To get straight to the point my condition has worsen once again. I don't really know what to do anymore. Therapies don't help, meds don't help, everything just feels like a waste of time when I get back so low that I have to deal with suicidal idealizations.

Things have now calmed down a bit, but I can never predict what will trigger the next emotional meltdown. I'm only now starting to get over my assault 8 months ago and it's just unbearable for me that life never wait for you. We're always contemplating what seems to be our impending doom in a myriad of catastrophic events all around the globe through the myopic lens of media and social media. I am a sensitive fox and it really impacts my mental health through a constant anxiety that just never dies down. And unfortunately, Ritalin (or Methylphenidate in general) being a neurostimulant, it basically boosts my anxiety as well to a physically painful point. I did get benefits from Ritaline but the anxiety makes it a literal torture to endure as well.

As such I'm gonna pull the plug on whatever I can that is anxiety inducing : I already stopped going to Twitter, Youtube, and reading the news. I'm unfortunately gonna need to stop using this patronage as well. As much as I appreciate your devoted support, it is always in the back of my mind that I am not doing enough for it. I thought being communicative about the times when I can't do shit would be enough but it clearly isn't. I have to cut ties with my online presence and responsibilities for an indefinite period of time. I'd like to say "until I get better" but right now I don't have a single clue when that'll be the case. I'll keep trying things until hopefully I can get some peace of mind. I'll also keep working on my weird projects in the background but at my own pace, hopefully without the crippling fear of not meeting people's expectation.

I'm gonna put this page in vacation as I can't really delete it myself, I'll make an announcement when I'll make it run again. If you feel this page has been misleading to you, or you are just disappointed you can shoot me a DM so you can ask for a refund of your pledges. I still can't believe the amount of trust and help you guys gave me this past 2 years and it really saddens me that all my efforts to be stable mentally and emotionally to just do my job have been seemingly in vain. I still try to hope for the best and that one day I'll have a stable productivity and the right mind to not be overly stressed and anxious about it. Thank you all so so much for everything, and I hope to see you guys as soon as possible.

Todd.