Azur Lane Security Committee Report #3
Subject: Compromising Material Involving Eagle Union Kansens
On May 6th, 2026, a Blu-ray disc containing sensitive material regarding the Eagle Union Kansens was discovered during a surprise investigation in the commanding officer’s office at the Azur Lane base.
The front of the disc bears a phrase written in black marker that reads:
“POOL PARTY SHIKIKAN USE ONLY LOL”
This handwriting does not match that of the commanding officer, making it highly probable that one of the African-American males appearing in the content of the disc wrote it.
The back of the case shows a photograph of Eagle Union USS Bremerton wearing a pink bikini and smiling, while an African-American male gropes her breasts from behind and raises his middle finger toward the viewer. A handwritten note in black marker on the back reads:
“IF YO WANT US TO FUCK MORE OF YO HOES YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND US!”
The contents of the disc depict numerous Eagle Union Kansens engaged in sexual intercourse with different unidentified African-American males. Over the course of the entire video, ten Kansens were filmed having unprotected sexual intercourse for approximately five hours.
All of the Kansens present in the video were later interrogated. None provided any information regarding the whereabouts or identities of the male participants and instead shifted blame onto their Commanding Officer.
Bremerton stated that if her Commanding Officer were not such a spineless and inept sexual partner, none of these problems would have occurred. She further declared, “Once the war with the Sirens is over, I’ll dump his ass on the spot,” before dismissing the interrogator and returning to her quarters.
North Carolina and Washington had their phones seized by our agents. As of the time of this report, 135 contacts were found, the majority of which belong to known African-American drug dealers and pimps with prior criminal records. Both denied any connection to these individuals and told investigators to “Ask Shikikan for explanations.”
St. Louis and Honolulu had their computers examined. Hidden desktop folders were discovered containing various homemade videos of the two participating in sexual acts with Black dockworkers alongside their Commanding Officer. These videos show the two comparing the dockworkers’ penises to the Commander’s and humiliating him on camera. When questioned, both refused to comment on the nature of the videos.
Pittsburgh and Kearsarge were also questioned about the origins of the material. Neither provided any useful names. They stated that they “can’t wait to get impregnated again by those handsome guys.”
Enterprise, Guam, and Yorktown could not be questioned, as they are currently participating in a rescue mission concerning the disappearance of Kansens in the Indian Ocean near the Sentinel Islands. All contact with them has been lost for three months.
Dr. Aoste has filed a report confirming that all of the Kansens appearing in the video are pregnant, most being pregnant with twins, some triplets,under their jurisdiction.most being pregnant with twins, some triplets. Under their jurisdiction, the medical team will deliver their babies.
Current pregnancy count:
Subject: Compromising Material Involving Eagle Union Kansens
On May 6th, 2026, a Blu-ray disc containing sensitive material regarding the Eagle Union Kansens was discovered during a surprise investigation in the commanding officer’s office at the Azur Lane base.
The front of the disc bears a phrase written in black marker that reads:
“POOL PARTY SHIKIKAN USE ONLY LOL”
This handwriting does not match that of the commanding officer, making it highly probable that one of the African-American males appearing in the content of the disc wrote it.
The back of the case shows a photograph of Eagle Union USS Bremerton wearing a pink bikini and smiling, while an African-American male gropes her breasts from behind and raises his middle finger toward the viewer. A handwritten note in black marker on the back reads:
“IF YO WANT US TO FUCK MORE OF YO HOES YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND US!”
The contents of the disc depict numerous Eagle Union Kansens engaged in sexual intercourse with different unidentified African-American males. Over the course of the entire video, ten Kansens were filmed having unprotected sexual intercourse for approximately five hours.
All of the Kansens present in the video were later interrogated. None provided any information regarding the whereabouts or identities of the male participants and instead shifted blame onto their Commanding Officer.
Bremerton stated that if her Commanding Officer were not such a spineless and inept sexual partner, none of these problems would have occurred. She further declared, “Once the war with the Sirens is over, I’ll dump his ass on the spot,” before dismissing the interrogator and returning to her quarters.
North Carolina and Washington had their phones seized by our agents. As of the time of this report, 135 contacts were found, the majority of which belong to known African-American drug dealers and pimps with prior criminal records. Both denied any connection to these individuals and told investigators to “Ask Shikikan for explanations.”
St. Louis and Honolulu had their computers examined. Hidden desktop folders were discovered containing various homemade videos of the two participating in sexual acts with Black dockworkers alongside their Commanding Officer. These videos show the two comparing the dockworkers’ penises to the Commander’s and humiliating him on camera. When questioned, both refused to comment on the nature of the videos.
Pittsburgh and Kearsarge were also questioned about the origins of the material. Neither provided any useful names. They stated that they “can’t wait to get impregnated again by those handsome guys.”
Enterprise, Guam, and Yorktown could not be questioned, as they are currently participating in a rescue mission concerning the disappearance of Kansens in the Indian Ocean near the Sentinel Islands. All contact with them has been lost for three months.
Dr. Aoste has filed a report confirming that all of the Kansens appearing in the video are pregnant, most being pregnant with twins, some triplets,under their jurisdiction.most being pregnant with twins, some triplets. Under their jurisdiction, the medical team will deliver their babies.
Current pregnancy count:
- Bremerton:3
- Pittsburgh:2
- Yorktown:N/A
- St.Louis:2
- Honolulu:2
- Enterprise:N/A
- Guam:N/A
- Kearsarge:1
- Washington:1
- North Carolina:1
Further Examination is still underway.
End of report.





