Escape From Baby Island - Episode 3, Finale

The inflated obstacle course loomed large in front of the contestants, bigger than it had appeared when they were standing up. From their low vantage point, crawling on all fours–or, rather, all sixes, bound to each other hand-and-foot–it was difficult to see the best route through the course.

“Come on,” Sam groaned, dragging Katie forward.

“Hold it!” Katie said. “I’m trying to figure out which way we should go.” 

“We should go forward,” Sam insisted. Her dominant hand and foot were strapped securely to Katie’s non-dominant hand, giving her an advantage when it came to towing her partner forward, but it was still a lot of dead weight.

…

Sam: “I’m trying to get us moving, but I’ve got this b***h dragging me down. We’re not going to win if we just sit here!” 

…

To their side, meanwhile, Benji and Miranda shuffled right on by.

“Left, right, left, right,” Miranda puffed, keeping their movements in sync. 

“I think there’s a cluster of obstacles to the right that’ll be hard to get through,” Benji said. 

Nodding, Miranda steered to the left of a pillar, navigating the forest of inflated latex as best they could. Even when the obstacles were thin, it was hard to see more than six or seven feet ahead, and certain areas had rods placed incredibly close together. A single standing contestant might be able to force their way through without trouble, but crawling in tandem, there just wasn’t room. 

“This way,” Katie hissed, pulling to the right. 

Sam hesitated, then moved along, jerking against her partner’s arm. “Keep up!”

“You keep up!” Katie shot. 

They managed to mostly get into sync, building speed right up until they hit a dead end. The clustered rubber pillars grew denser and denser, until there was no room to keep progressing. 

“This is your fault,” Katie grumbled.

On the left of the course, Benji cheered. “I see the ramp!”

“I see it too!” Miranda replied.

…

Miranda: “I wanted to hurry up, but we were making a good pace, so I stuck to the rhythm we’d made.”

…

Sam stared up at the obstacles in front of them. “We have to turn around. Dammit, I told you–”

“No,” Katie said. “We go through.”

…

Sam: “So I’m thinking, ‘what is Katie smoking? There’s like two inches of space between the pillars. We can’t fit through that!’” 

…

“We’re going to get stuck!” Sam protested. “There’s not enough room.” 

“There is if we crawl over,” Katie shot. “The rule was to crawl, not that we had to stay on the ground. We can just push these over and get on top of them.”

Without waiting for acknowledgement of her plan, she started crawling forward, tugging on Sam’s locked mitten. Sam followed, dubiously.

Ahead, Miranda and Benji reached the base of the slope. Big, puffy climbing grips were spaced every few feet, and the angle wasn’t too intense, but it was a long ways to go from the bottom to the top.

Miranda reached forward to start shuffling up, and immediately slid back. “What the–”

…

Benji: “It’s slick. They oiled it down or something, I can barely get any traction.”

…

Benji furrowed their brow. “Okay, we have to use the grips and hold on tight. If we start to slip, we’ll probably tumble all the way back down.”

Miranda nodded. “Okay. I’ll crawl ahead first, grab the first grip, and then you move past me while I anchor us down.”

“Got it.”

A half dozen yards back, Katie groaned through gritted teeth, towing Sam forward. The inflated obstacles did bend, but only partly, flopping from side to side while they tried to get over. Katie pushed on Sam, forcing her teammate back a little so she could reach forward and get a hand around another obstacle further ahead, dragging them up.

The folded-over rod flopped partly upright, bopping Sam right in the face. She tumbled sideways, pulling Katie with her, and the two of them fell in a heap.

“Idiot,” Sam shot.

“We made it through,” Katie replied. “Come on, these dorks are ahead of us.” 

Beneath them, text flashed on the screen: #BiggestBabyOnTheIsland Can't say I'm surprised to see that the two type A's aren't working well as a duo act. If Katie fudges her pants again she could get my vote lol..... But yeah money is on Miranda and Benji.

…

Katie: “Ugh. I am not doing that for brownie points from the viewers.” 

…

Slowly but surely, Benji and Miranda made their way up the slope. Miranda grabbed an armhold with her free arm, got a good grip, and nodded. “Okay!” 

Knowing they were secure, Benji pushed up, feet struggling to find purchase on the slick, steep slope. They managed to push up to one of the worse handholds, getting just enough of a grip between that and a foothold below. 

“I think I’ve got it,” they said. “But be careful.”

“We’re almost there,” Miranda said, looking for the best new destination. Pushing off Benji for support, she raised herself up, stretching her free hand towards the next-to-last grip before the very top of the peak. “We’re going to make it!” 

Benji wobbled and nearly fell, but Miranda managed to snatch the grip just in time, narrowly holding them in place. Benji laughed nervously, totally oblivious to the other team climbing up behind them.

Realizing they were too far behind, Sam made a calculation and took a risk. Without consulting Katie, she lunged, reaching as far as her right arm would allow, and– 

“Hah!” she cried, getting a hand on Benji’s ankle.

Benji looked down, eyes wide as Sam–without a grip to hold onto–began to slide back down the slope. Sam pulled down Benji, and Miranda wasn’t strong enough to support the whole convoy, slipping and falling down.

Katie yelped, at the bottom of this tumbling procession and unable to do a thing about it. She rolled with Sam, who’d lost her grip on Benji’s ankle, but by then all of them were in freefall.

Sam and Katie landed in a heap at the base of the slope, and a half second later, Benji and Sam landed on top of them, facing the other direction.

“Oof,” Benji grunted.

“Ugh, gross,” Katie recoiled. Miranda had landed with her butt right over Katie’s chest, her diaper sagging prominently in Katie’s field of view. “Get your ass out of my face!” 

“Sorry,” Miranda squeaked, trying to roll away. Benji, still stuck to their left arm and leg, yelped and pulled the other way. 

“Cheater!” Benji snapped, once they’d gotten to a sitting position.

“Hey, I never heard a rule saying we couldn’t touch each other,” Sam said. 

“Yeah, suck it, babies,” Katie added, sticking out her tongue and pinching her nose. 

Miranda raised an eyebrow. “Really? That’s your best taunt? Come on, Benji, we’ve got to get moving.”

The two of them moved to the side, mindful to start climbing far enough away from Sam and Katie that they couldn’t pull the same trick again. 

It wasn’t enough. Now that they had an equal start, Sam and Katie’s advantage in speed put them head-and-shoulders above the competition. Though they didn’t move as smoothly compared to Benji and Miranda’s teamwork, Sam could get a grip much more easily and help pull Katie up to the next one.

They got to the top a good ten seconds before Miranda got a hand over the edge, grunting with exertion as she pulled her teammate up. 

“Hah!” Katie declared, standing and pumping her free fist in triumph. “We won!” 

Miranda scooted up on her butt with Benji, so they were sitting next to Katie and Sam. “Yeah,” she grumbled. “You did.” 

Before Katie could react, she reached out and pushed. Katie wobbled and fell, sending her and Sam both tumbling back down the ramp. 

“You know that doesn’t mean we won, right?” Benji asked.

Miranda nodded. “Yeah. Felt good, though.”

An airhorn blew, and Liam called through a megaphone. “Contestants, please return to the staging area for the next competition!” 

Miranda looked at Benji, who nodded. Together, they slid down the ramp, landing on their feet and walking awkwardly back to the start. 

Katie and Sam arrived first, and a crew member helped them remove their mittens and booties, separating the team. Once they were clear, Miranda and Benji were freed. 

“As you might have guessed, the theme of today is teams,” Liam announced. “And as winners of the first team challenge, Sam and Katie now get to be team leaders for the main event. Katie, please pick either Miranda or Benji, you’ll be the team lead with whoever you pick and Sam will get the other.”

“Benji,” Katie said. “I’m not working with that dweeb.”

“I guess that means you get the dweeb,” Miranda said to Sam, half chuckling. 

“Team leads,” Liam said. “For this next challenge, you get to try your hand at babysitting! You and your babies–that’s your teammates, to be clear–will be given a series of tasks to complete within the time limit. For any task you successfully complete, you’ll be given six points–if the task requires both of you to participate, then you’ll both earn the points. And Babies–you’re not allowed to walk or speak during this challenge. If you need to coordinate, you’ll have to rely on your babysitter to tell you what to do.” 

“What’s the challenges?” Benji asked, raising a hand while they spoke.

“You’ll both be put in a nursery. Babysitters, you need to baby-proof the room, prepare a bottle, feed that bottle to your baby, and change your baby’s dirty diaper. Babies, you’ll need to put away your toys in the toy chest, find your missing pacifier hidden somewhere in the room, drink your bottle, and have your dirty diaper changed.” 

“Wait,” Katie said. “I’ve got to change a diaper?”

“What?” Sam asked, smirking. “Afraid of getting your hands dirty?” 

“Your nurseries are inside–Sam and Miranda, you’ll be on the left side of the baby gate. Katie and Benji, you’ll be on the right. Do you have any questions?”

Miranda raised her hand. “So Sam has to like, change my diaper? Take it off, do wipes, powder, the whole nine yards?” 

Liam nodded. “That’s correct.” 

Miranda nodded, leaning over to Sam. “Just so you know, I’m trans.”

Sam took that in and smiled. “Gotcha, thanks.”

“Are there any other questions?” Liam asked. 

“How do you ‘baby-proof’ a room?” Katie asked.

“You’ll have to figure that out for yourself,” Liam said. “And you’d better do that quick, because the round begins now!”

Already ready for the surprise start, Sam, Miranda, and Benji bolted for the door, hurrying into their living space a half second before Katie.

As soon as they were in, the four of them split off. Their living space had been divided with a low baby-proof fence, gated in the middle. Sam ignored the left side of the gate for a moment, instead sprinting to her room, while Miranda dropped onto her hands and knees, crawling inside. On the wall, a ticking clock counted down from seven minutes.

Toys littered the floor - dozens of them, some no bigger than a building block, one a teddy bear almost as big as Miranda herself. They’d been given the side of the living space with the kitchenette and kitchen island, plus an addition of a changing table, and she didn’t see a pacifier anywhere.

On the other side of the room, Benji surveyed what they’d have to clean up: A pile of toys comparable to Mirandas, but instead of a kitchenette, they needed to navigate the TV stand, two couches, and a coffee table, as well as the changing table and some other scattered bits of detritus.

Benji and Miranda both hurried, scrambling to start picking up the toys. Miranda just played it simple, grabbing one toy at a time, shuffling over to the chest, and depositing it before grabbing another one. Benji, meanwhile, tried juggling multiple toys at once, trying to hold an armful of stuffies or blocks to their chest while crawling on their elbows. They dropped as many toys as they carried, but for short distances it proved helpful.

Sam came out of her room a few seconds later, sprinting to the kitchen counter. The ingredients and supplies for a baby bottle were all set up and ready to go, so she poured the packet of formula, added water from the tap, mixed it up, and set it on the warmer.

That done, she spun around, looking for things to baby-proof.

On the other side of the railing, Benji looked under the TV stand and grinned, reaching beneath it to retrieve a pacifier. Holding it up, they showed it to the cameras, and a second later an LED panel on the wall came to life beneath the ticking clock, glowing brightly with a big ‘6’ beneath their name. 

…

Katie: “So I’m looking around, and I don’t know what ‘babyproofing’ even means. I don’t do kid stuff! Like, there aren’t any land mines or whatever, so what am I supposed to do?”

…

Crouching, Katie looked around on the ground for a moment, then shook her head and groaned, getting Benji’s attention. “Okay, ugh. Let’s get this… diaper change over with.” 

…

Benji: “I’d been wondering why we had to agree to let the other contestants see us naked. I figured maybe they’d try and do a skinny dipping episode or something, but… yeah. This is gonna be awkward.” 

…

Benji crawled over to the changing table, getting Katie’s help to clamber up on it. 

Meanwhile, Sam raised the bottle, testing it on her wrist. “Warm, not hot,” she said. “Perfect. Miranda, stop what you’re doing. Liam, I’m using my golden egg!” 

…

Sam: “The rules were very specific. I can get a diaper change whenever I want. Liam never said it had to be my diaper that got changed.” She grinned. “Two tasks for the price of one.” 

…

After a moment, a crew member hurried in. Sam passed him the egg with a smug grin, holding up the bottle. “Miranda, I’m gonna feed this to you while you’re getting your change. Double up, okay?”

Miranda nodded and gave a thumbs up, pulling herself up onto the changing table. Sam put the bottle’s rubber nipple in her mouth and Miranda started suckling while, a few feet down her body, the show staff member began untaping her diaper. 

Blushing, Miranda avoided eye contact with Sam while she drank the bottle.

Meanwhile, across the railing, Katie peeled off Benji’s diaper. “Well, you’re already dry, so I don’t need to do wipes,” she said, tossing it aside and grabbing a fresh one. Dumping a handful of powder vaguely in the right area, she wrapped it around Benji’s waist and slapped down the tapes.

Neither her nor Benji’s score changed. 

“What?” she huffed, turning to face the scoreboard. While she fumed, Miranda and Sam’s scores both shot up by twelve whole points, both of their bottle drinking and diaper change tasks complete. Sam now had a healthy eighteen points, only one task away from being done. 

Liam, leaning in the doorway, reminded, “You need to change Benji’s dirty diaper. The one you took off just now was pristine!” 

“UGH!” Katie fumed. “Benji–”

“I gotta pee my pants, I know,” Benji said, closing their eyes and trying to concentrate.

Across the way, Miranda continued hastily towing her toys over to the toy chest, while Sam made her way around the space. She’d found a box of electrical plug covers in a drawer and made sure there were no dangerous outlets. A bottom drawer had a bunch of loose plastic bags in it, so she moved them to a high drawer, before peeling the magnets off the fridge and storing them in a tupperware, eliminating choking hazards.

While she was going through the bottom drawer, she hesitated.

…

Sam: “I knew Miranda was looking for this, but…ugh. She’s getting plenty of points from her votes, and I already helped her out with the egg.”

…

Palming the pacifier that was inside the drawer, Sam stood up, moving it to a high shelf that Miranda wouldn’t possibly be able to reach. 

Over on the other side, Benji scrunched up their face and tensed, while the wetness indicator on their diaper turned from light pink to dark blue. Waving, they got Katie’s attention and pointed at their diaper.

Screwing up her face in disgust, Katie returned, repeating the diaper-changing process on Benji–this time with baby wipes. Once that was done, she began spinning her wheels.

…

Katie: “I still don’t know what ‘Baby proofing’ is even supposed to be! This is such a dumb challenge.”

…

“I’m done baby proofing!” Sam announced. A crew member came in to check her work, and her score ticked up to 24. “Am I done?” 

“You’re done, though you’re welcome to help your teammate,” Liam said.

Sam hesitated, then crouched, picking up a few toys. With her help, they got them to the chest with minutes to spare.

…

Miranda: “Sam’s just a great person to have on my team. I just have to find that pacifier and I’m all good, she really did me a solid there.”

…

Sam glanced guiltily at the drawer with Miranda’s pacifier in it, but knelt and pretended to help look for it as Miranda’s score ticked up to eighteen.

Meanwhile, over on the other side, Benji finished cleaning up their toys, and all they had left to do was drink a bottle. They crawled over and got Katie’s attention.

“What?” Katie demanded. 

Benji pointed at the bottle supplies, sitting over on the coffee table.

“In a minute,” Katie hissed. “I’m trying to figure out how to baby proof this space.”

Jabbing their finger emphatically, Benji tried to implore Katie to get that done, but she couldn’t be persuaded. 

Seconds ticked by. 

Miranda failed to find her pacifier, even with Sam pretending to help–she even checked the drawer where it had been, but since it was well out of her reach, her odds of locating it were next to zero. 

Benji fumed on the ground, done with all the tasks they could accomplish on their own. Katie ran in circles, seconds burning away.

BWAAAP!

The horn rang, and the contest was over.

Miranda got to her feet, frustrated but smiling. “Thanks, Sam, for the help. I really appreciate it, you’re a good friend.”

“Yeah,” Sam replied, smiling so convincingly that Miranda didn’t notice a thing. “Of course. We’ve got to stick together against those two, am I right?” 



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