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Hiatus. :(
I need a few more days.
There's no easy fix to any of this, I'm clinically depressed and the doc cant even prescribe antidepressants because they mess with your heart rhythm. The past month I've lost interest in sex and social interaction which is less than ideal, either for my work or relationships and generally it sucks.
For people just joining us.
Firstly, I'm sorry. In the past 5 years I lost 4 family members to cancer not including my dog, nothing has ever defeated so utterly. Losing my dad was traumatic and involved experiences I haven't healed from, such as begging the doctor to re-evaluate dad's morphine dose after it spread to his bones, and consoling my mum after dad told us he'd 'had enough'. There is months of examples like this, I'm not writing it to upset or shock, I want younger people who haven't felt true pain to understand how it can break people.
The stress, alcoholism and grief during and after brought on a condition where an extra nerve cluster in my heart is causing atrial fibrillation, and the operation to zap the nerve cluster might give me a fatal blood clot or stroke - so i'm holding off on that. It's improving on it's own slowly, I just 'need to relax' - they say stress is a killer but never really gave the phrase much thought til now. I was coping with it, but august turned completely black emotionally.
So, TLDR. I'm struggling and I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. Its personally very hard to sit down and write to face up to the disappointment this lack of progress is causing everyone, I really hate letting people down. I'm not sure how long it's going to last for but I'm working on the basics like sleeping, showering, getting up, buying groceries - you have to try or it'll never get better. I'll let you know when I get somewhere.
There's no easy fix to any of this, I'm clinically depressed and the doc cant even prescribe antidepressants because they mess with your heart rhythm. The past month I've lost interest in sex and social interaction which is less than ideal, either for my work or relationships and generally it sucks.
For people just joining us.
Firstly, I'm sorry. In the past 5 years I lost 4 family members to cancer not including my dog, nothing has ever defeated so utterly. Losing my dad was traumatic and involved experiences I haven't healed from, such as begging the doctor to re-evaluate dad's morphine dose after it spread to his bones, and consoling my mum after dad told us he'd 'had enough'. There is months of examples like this, I'm not writing it to upset or shock, I want younger people who haven't felt true pain to understand how it can break people.
The stress, alcoholism and grief during and after brought on a condition where an extra nerve cluster in my heart is causing atrial fibrillation, and the operation to zap the nerve cluster might give me a fatal blood clot or stroke - so i'm holding off on that. It's improving on it's own slowly, I just 'need to relax' - they say stress is a killer but never really gave the phrase much thought til now. I was coping with it, but august turned completely black emotionally.
So, TLDR. I'm struggling and I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. Its personally very hard to sit down and write to face up to the disappointment this lack of progress is causing everyone, I really hate letting people down. I'm not sure how long it's going to last for but I'm working on the basics like sleeping, showering, getting up, buying groceries - you have to try or it'll never get better. I'll let you know when I get somewhere.
Dude your physical and mental health is top priority. Take as much time as you need. We may all be complete strangers, but if you nee to talk know that we’re here for you.
You just need to eat more protein! (kidding, see Taylor Tomlinson)
Getting myself out of depression has been a personal journey of psychological jiu-jitsu. I will say, if you can finagle yourself into being more physically healthy, it facilitates better mental health. It’s not causation, but it is a foundation. I just made that up. See? Get creative. I designed and made custom 3D printed shiny metallic plastic coins, with quarters imbedded and printed into them to give them weight and value, that had Low Calorie and Weight Lift and such embossed on the front, and the back says One Day. And I gamify my physical health every day, and reward myself with these special, unique coins at the end of each day. And that works for me. That was my creative thing, my trick, my personal mind hack. What’s yours?
Take some rest, everything else can wait.
I couldn't imagine what you're going through. But I hope you find your way through it. Depression is extremely difficult and you have to take the time you need to <3
Thank you. I appreciate you being open and *communicative* to us and wish you well. Take all the time you need and keep us posted if anything changes or if you need anything from the community.
really sucks to hear, hope things improve for you soon and start feeling better
I'm sorry it's taken a little while for me to get to reply to this. You have nothing to apologise for - you have been going through several things that, on their own, would cause people to stall. Do not beat yourself up over it; it's only natural you would need to take time to look after yourself.
We, as your fans, may want to see your work but not at the expense of the artist that makes it. Please take time and rest when you can.
Hey I have chronic depression myself I've been through every medication and only one that worked was lithium but that destroyed my emotions. The only thing I found that helped was Genius mushrooms on Amazon and it has reishi,lions mane, and cordiceps. This is the only thing I could find that helped with my depression and now hardly ever notice it. Check it out it might work for you. It got ride of that mask and tired feeling that you get with depression for me and hopefully helps for you.