Missed me? [poll about the future of BA]

Ok dudes, so the good news is - the new update, 0.3.50, will be out in a moment. It's a small one, but treat it as my "I'm back" update and expect more in max 2 weeks. There is a quest for Rose coming that I started ages ago. Maybe something else if I it goes quickly.

Ok. So now - the bad part - which is my whiny rambling (if you just want a changelog of the update it will be in the next post). I'll try to make it compact, though it took me many days to unpack from my head everything that ended up in this fucking post. So if you're sane you probably should stop reading now. And if you're only interested in the future of BA, and not about Grave vs. the world stuff - scroll down to the last part - there's a summary of all my blabber and a poll.

So what was happening?

Last time I was mentioning my depression and many other things, so I want to give you a small recap, especially that I know many of you have similar problems.

So I started taking SNRI antidepressants in August and the results were actually pretty fucking good. I took SSRI before (when my fucking life collapsed 5 years ago) but never felt any results (besides a constant fucking diarrhea), however with this new stuff I actually for the first time in a while felt like doing stuff with my life again, instead of being a stoned ape in front of the computer.

However there were side effects too - my dick stopped working, which was absolutely tragic! I could only get it up on Viagra and I just couldn't finish during sex. I'm actually really fond of my dick, it's a damn good dick, my best wingman in many most beautiful moments of my life, so I felt like a total asshole giving up on him. Fortunately, I stopped taking the meds in December and the dick came back with a vengeance so - phew!

Random disclaimer

Ok, now you're thinking - "god damn, this is a porn game, what's this shit even have to do with anything?" Well, I know, man. But, honestly, I can't help it. Think about me like this - I'm just this strange dude, living somewhere far away in the world. Your friendly perv with an overactive brain! Basically how it works is this - unless I'm totally straight about stuff, I always feel dishonest, and that shit always spirals out of control in my head. So - fuck that. I'm going balls out with stuff from now on. Deal with it or scroll down to the summary;)

I was going somewhere with this

While taking the meds, I finally started working on couple private projects. And when I say "started working" I mean like I grinded on it everyday like a fucking mule since September. And I finished concept phase for three separate ideas in December. I'm not gonna say what those projects are, as I want to keep my name away from BA, but it's something that I was thinking about for a while, and I'm kinda proud with how it turned out.

However, I just finished the concept phase, which means I'm still far away from monetizing those projects. Now I either need to find an investor, or some people to do it with me, or maybe I will have to do the prototypes on my own.... It's shitload of work in every direction. A year, at least, maybe even two. And to get those projects really going, even just one of them, I need to support myself.

Grave meets real life again, and it goes bad again

So the big problem is that, as I was running happily into the horizon on SNRIs, working on my fucking dream projects, my funds were running lower and lower, and the finish line was moving further and further away. And suddenly - I was in debt again. Not a major one, but still - red alert.

Let's be honest, the game was my main source of income, and I wasn't much on the job market since 5 fucking years, outside of couple lucky shots for quick cash. I mean, jobs in IT fly everywhere, and I actually made an attempt to get in, but each interview goes like this - "So what were you doing for last 5 years, sir?" I was writing a fucking porn game, that's what, fuck off. My ENTIRE coding experience is that fucking game.

But it's not even the worst part. I feel I've become such a strange dude during those couple years living a bizarre double life - being a porn game creator at night, and trying to piece my fucking world back together during days. Add to that multiple depressions filled with weed and pointless hookups on Tinder (or way worse than Tinder). I mean, I have some good fucking stories to tell (have you ever fucked a hooker with square head like in Minecraft? Well, I did!) but it all just made me drift further and further away from civilization. And even though I kind of stabilized during last year, when I think about working with new people, being there, smiling, and repeating the same bullshit lines over and over - my social anxiety hits me with a brick in the head.

And I actually know why I feel this anxiety. It's not about people. I'm ok with people, mostly. It's about me. Because I fucking want to finally do something of my own. Something I can be proud of. And I know I can, I feel I can, I just need more fucking time.

So here's the summary

(not really, I just wanted to get your attention, because this part is important for me)

I'm thinking about coming back to doing porn games as a regular part time thing. The reason is simple - I can work on it 2-3 days a week while working on my other stuff.

HOWEVER. There's a couple problems with that and I really want to lay down what my fucking head is producing for me, so bare with me. Basically:

First problem is very practical - the project became huge. There's so many storylines, so much text, clips, locations, characters. Don't get me wrong - I'm a planner, and I do have a plan for everything, and I know how it all supposed to end with the player, Ash, Mia, and this creepy dude, No-one. I have some quests started, including Corgis, that I wanna finally add to the game, because I was working on them for so fucking long. I even have a crazy idea for a narrator's character to have his own exit...

BUT. Fuck, I'm not even at 33% of the content I planned and there's already so much stuff. I feel like my ambition totally played me into a corner. Wherever I look there's something unfinished, not fully developed, and I'm alone alone here now, Loco and BobbyPeru moved on, so I'm only one dude, how much can I do, realistically?

I looked back at the game's history. I started this project to learn coding. At the beginning it was so small, just Daphne and Alexa and player in one house. It was really fun to write. Then I expanded outside the house, and it was a bit more complicated, but I had fun too, with Mia and Ash and Rose. But then I added college, and the city location and the club and police station, and it just started to go sideways.

At the beginning I was like - fuck yea, I have so much space now. I told myself the game will be like this gonzo life simulator, this fucking place in the internet when you can get drunk, high, and go into the fucking blurry unknown, roam around like an animal, fucking hookers, girls, boys, you name it, and knowing that you're in your perverted safe space. Buuuut. This is a fucking text game. Everything needs content. There's so many options now. So many things can happen, so many characters you can meet, fuck, etc.. It all needs to work. And the stuff I loved about it - mostly the Daphne storyline (I know her breasts are repulsing for some, but there's something in the eyes of this Jewish girl that makes me... creative, lol) - is now buried with so much other things, that all need continuation. My fucking crazy ambition turned this game into a porn RPG, and I just barely handle it now. It's fucking overwhelming.

SECOND problem (yes, we're merely at second, pay attention, buddy, please) - the porn. Like - for the record - I'm a perv. And I'm proud of it, no reason to shy away from it. But the problem is - writing BA requires me to look at porn way too much. I mean, if it's one day a week, that's fine, but if it's a constant feed it just fucks up my mojo, my pervy side goes into a strange direction, and my libido goes to the trash because I jack off all the time to handle the fucking porn. That's not great.

Fortunately, this problem has a partial solution. I have someone who agreed to help me on that front. Buuuut, this person is only able to help me with cutting huge amount of clips for character's sex positions. Basically - if I ask "hey, I need more sex clips for Daphne" - I'm getting that, split into folders, all nice and tidy. But this deal doesn't include content for sex scenes during quests or events. Like finding Daphne tied up in the garden etc.. And looking for this stuff is hard, man. Like really time consuming. You first spend hours looking for stuff, and then adjust the quest to fit what you managed to find. I'd call it a nightmare, if it weren't for my constant hard on while doing it.

And you know what also fucks me up? Looking for the photos of those girls CLOTHED. I mean, you can't imagine how hard sometimes is to find a pornstar in clothing that you could use for normal scenes. It's sooo annoying. Somehow, with old pornstars like Daphne Rosen it was easier, but some of those new girls - you spend hours.

Third problem (almost there, honestly dude, thanks for being such a legend) - I started thinking what I really like doing in BA these days. And it is, surprisingly, coding and interface. Don't get me wrong, I love to write a fucked up quest for Daphne, but coding a new feature, or polishing the UI, makes me instantly interested and hooked. I really like the engine I built. I mean, it's absolutely absurd and fucked up the way I coded it, I now understand how it works way better and I would never do it like that again. But I've polished it to the point where I know every fucking corner, and it's working pretty good together.

Ok, Grave, where are you going with this?

What I'm saying is this - on one side - there are things in BA that I still want to do, but I feel that I lost the direction a bit, and if I were to continue, we would really need to have some sort of a discussion what it is you guys actually like about the game, and which way it should go.

Or there's another way.

I'm gonna pitch you an idea I had, for a BA "spin off" that I've been thinking about. And, be honest, because I'm actually not sure if it's a good idea. It sounds like fun for me, but it might still be something that no one wants.

So basically before my hiatus I was experimenting with different sex mechanics in BA. Like giving players boosts during sex and stuff. And it didn't really work for me, it was too complicated, fucked up the gameplay of BA, which is more story oriented. However, it kind of worked cool on its own. I like how it turned sex into this challenge, almost like a Mortal Kombat game, but with porn, lol. Where you could have combos, finishes, fatalities.

So, I had this idea to make a smaller fun "side project" that would be based on the BA game engine, that I've built through the years, but with much expanded sex mechanics. It would be called "Operation Penetration" and the way it would work is that the player is chosen as a participant in a sex tournament, where basically you need to fuck your enemy until she cums. And it's really an entire tournament, like you start in group stage, and you need to fuck your way to the top, gather experience in each position for the bonuses. And your enemies have weak spots, that you can get to know and use, stuff like that. Other contestants (other guys in the tournament) might have some things about them as well, like maybe you can invest points into fucking them up between the fights or sth.

And the interesting part is - so much of it is already done. Like, I have an engine that has all the story features I might need. And a sex mechanic that is doing exactly what I need, and just needs expanding. And I have a whole library of 30+ characters (all the main characters from BA, hookers, some random encounters - there's so much) with different sex clips for each positions. I'm like 75% there already, and the stuff that's missing is the stuff I'd love to do - which is adjusting the engine and interface to make it work, and writing some bare story to wrap it up. I feel it'd be like 2-3 months tops to the beta version.

The main game loop would be simple - buff your stats, go into the match, fuck your enemy, gather experience, buy gear, buff stats, and so on;) And maybe some small events, like judge interrupting forced anal or something lol;) Imagine fucking Daphne Rosen or Mia Malkova to a complete orgasmic exhaustion in the fucking sex tournament - lol;)

TO SUM IT UP (this time for real)

Writing stuff for you guys was a privilege, and I'm sorry I'm turning it into a drama, but blame my brain. I see a way forward with this project, but it might be not what you want. And I'm flexible, but I need to hear your voice. What do you guys think is the best way forward?

OPTION 1. If you don't like the idea for "Operation Penetration" at all, I won't do it. I only wanna do it because I think it's fun, if I'm the only one, fuck it. I can focus on BA, just help me with the direction in the comments, because I'm not even sure if you guys are still here, and I'm not talking to an empty hall.

OPTION 2. If you semi like it, but you still prefer BA, I could write "Operation Penetration" in a smaller scale, and in the end attach it to BA as a once-a-year dream sequence or something like that. This mini-game within a game that sometimes hits in, and that'll give me something interesting to do, while I grind through the updates of BA;)

OPTION 3. If you really like it, I can pause BA and focus completely on "Operation Penetration". Make it bigger, with more opponents (which - thanks to the person cutting the porn - would be pretty straight forward), some fucked up events, expanded gameplay. For a "contained" game like that it would be quite doable for me (I think) to make a simple mod system, for players to be able to add their own characters with their own libraries of sex positions and stats.

OPTION 4. And maybe you're just not interested in my stuff anymore? Which is understandable, I was long away. Maybe I should just drop this whole porn game stuff, maybe I'm just not fit to it. Though I have to say, giving up now seems like a bad idea for me. I feel I have something good, that is finally worth fighting for, and I want to use the money from BA to get there.

I leave it guys in your hands. If you want me to focus on BA, comment on what in BA you think is worth expanding, and which parts are not for you.

Thanks,
Grave

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Welcome

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Missed me? [poll about the future of BA]

So what was happening?

Random disclaimer

I was going somewhere with this

Grave meets real life again, and it goes bad again

So here's the summary

Ok, Grave, where are you going with this?

Or there's another way.

TO SUM IT UP (this time for real)

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