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Adult Video Game Review: SimBro
Hey there, you horny ... little ... I have no clever name for you perverts. But welcome regardless! I did say I am going to be writing adult video game reviews and let's start with an old review I wrote all the way back in January of 2019. This about the brothel simulation game, SimBro. I'm not even sure if you can find this game anymore, considering it was a flash game and flash has gone the way of the dinosaurs. I know some adult game sites have an emulator, but I'm not sure with this one. To be honest, haven't checked. But this game was really popular back in the day. So popular, and you're not gonna believe me when I say this, on their Patreon they were getting $20,000 a month from supporters. Holy shit. I think I mention that in the review too. But over time, the developers just weren't developing shit for this game and the support went down and down. But I enjoyed this game. Even though the characters looked kind of odd, it was actually pretty fun.
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*For those unaware, Erotic Cave used to be an erotic blog I had a few years ago. Like Tumblr allowed porn a few years ago. I would write stories, but would also receive stories from other people. It was fun. Then died a slow, miserable death.
Adult video games!
Woo!
Okay, got that out of the way. Yes, I am one of those dirty son of a bitches who enjoy playing these scandalous games and one game I want to make the first review of is SimBro.
SimBro is a brothel simulator. Yes, it deals with sex. Lots of it, but the developers at SimBro make claim on their Patreon page that the game isn't all about sex. It's also about management and RPG style gaming. The claim is true, as you actually need to manage your brothel in order to advance in progress. But there is sex and lots of it, as said before.
The game let's you pick what gender you want to be, so I'll just go with what I did. I picked female. No, I'm not female, but normally when given the chance I always pick female. Not sure why, but I've always done that. (Future me again: I lied. It's because I want something nice to look at.) And no, I have no desires to be one. Although, it probably would be fun for a day … Never mind. (Future me: No. Fucking say it, wimp).
The game automatically gives you a name, but you can change them if you want by just clicking on the name in your staff tab. My characters name is Allison and I'm okay with that. The story is, your character has inherited the family estate, however, you owe a lot of money, and there are people who REALLY want it. You have an assistant named Alice, who is innocent, and has no interest in sex. So you suggest running a brothel. She's reluctant, but warms up to the idea.
Finding entertainers isn't all that difficult. The first, and only, place it seems to find some hookers is the Slums. You're warned not to go there without anyone, but I've never been in a fight with anyone in the slums. There are altercations, yes, but if you're playing a lady, all you pretty much do is say you want peace, then offer yourself to the thug for a good fucking and that's that. Later on in the game, I would bring bodyguards with me and do a fight. If you win, you, uh, enslave the girl in a cage in the cellar. I mean, if that's your thing, then they have it. It isn't mine, so I only did this once and that was it.
You also have to manage your whores, as they have wants and needs. Such as food, shower, and they get tired after fucking all night. They can fuck more when you upgrade their stats. However, eventually they will get tired of fucking all the time, unless they're a nymph, then they're fine and dandy with doing the deed all night long, seven days a week. But normally if one of my ladies started getting sick of it, I would either stick them in the bar as a stripper, a maid, a bartender, or if they were really down in the dumps, I would have them work the front desk.
There's also a photo option, where you can take photos of your ladies to entice more potential clients. You can change their pose, what they wear, or you can even have sex with them.
Just like real life, sex sells and makes everyone happy. Sometimes you will get a disgruntled employee who is not too thrilled about staying. You can convince to stay by giving them a piece of your booty or your, well, 'piece', if you're playing a dude. Have sex with them too quick and their happiness will sink even further, so have sex for quite a while and they will be back to normal. Sometimes one of your thugs will join in for a threesome. Or another lady.
There are other areas to get more girls to work for you. There is a bar, but that's where the more pricey ones hang out and I could never get any of them to join my brothel, because my reputation was too low for them. I also believe you can convince a lady cop to join your brothel as well, but she never really took a liking to me. So, I would get all my girls from the Slums, but it's alright, you can keep upgrading them to be of a high status.
There's also some problems that happen along the way. Such as the bank sending thugs to get the money that your estate owes. You can either pay them, seduce them (if you're a lady) or fight them. Once my brothel was making enough money, I just paid them. You can also go to the bank and convince the guy there to keep the thugs off your back. All you have to do is … you guessed it … let him fuck you. The game rewards you nicely depending on how much of a slut you are, so if that's your thing … slut it up. I don't think that's a saying you want to use in real life, though.But I would avoid fighting at any cost, because the fighting aspect of the game was pretty much one of the weak points for me, so I avoided it at all costs.
Although this game doesn't have the best of graphics, I did thoroughly enjoy playing it. This is up until the Simbro developers stopped releasing their free updates every month. Basically how this worked was, they would release the new update to their Patrons and then give the people who couldn't afford to pay the previous, old update. I believe it worked out nicely for them. When this game was in its high point, I checked their Patreon and they were making over $20,000 dollars a month. That's crazy! But soon, things would go downhill.
June 2017 was the last free update we got. But checking their Patreon right now, the last time their Patrons received an update was August of 2018. And that lovely twenty grand they were getting? Now it's only a little over $2,000. I think it's fair to say Simbro is a shell of it's former self and will most likely never recover. I wish they would, it was a fun game. I haven't played it in a while due to a few reasons: the biggest one being I lost the USB stick I saved my game on and the game does this weird thing where it will erase your game after a while. The other reason is because they haven't updated the game in well over a year.
I do hope they either hand the reigns over to someone else to continue the series, give us new updates, and stuff. But if not, it was fun while it lasted.
Well folks, I hope you enjoyed my first adult game review. I have a few more up my sleeve, so look out for them. Take care.
