Advanced Studies in Goth Superiority



The classroom was silent except for the soft click of heels against polished wood.
She adjusted her glasses, turned to the chalkboard, and wrote in elegant script:
“Why Goth Girls Are the Best – Midterm Review.”
“First,” she began smoothly, leaning back against the desk, “aesthetic consistency. While others panic during a fashion crisis, a goth girl simply owns more black.”
She paced slowly between the desks.
“Second: emotional preparedness. We listened to dramatic music at age thirteen and survived it. We are immune to heartbreak. We pre-scheduled it.”
A student in the back raised a hand.
 “Professor… is this going to be on the exam?”
She gave a faint, knowing smile.
“Oh, absolutely.”
She wrote another bullet point:
‘3. Superior night vision.’
“We thrive in low lighting. Candlelit libraries. Midnight cafés. Power outages. Meanwhile, the rest of you require ‘natural sunlight’ and ‘vitamin D.’”
She paused, pushing her glasses slightly up the bridge of her nose.
“And finally… loyalty. If a goth girl chooses you, congratulations. You have been selected by someone who alphabetizes their spellbooks and color-coordinates their existential dread.”
She capped the chalk, turned back to the class, and concluded:
“Any further questions can be submitted in essay format. Minimum five pages. Double-spaced. In black ink, obviously.”
The bell rang.
No one dared to argue.
Everyone aced the test. 🖤