Kamika Malagic vs. Countess Elizabeth (Part 1)
Part of The Sordid Tales of Kamika Malagic
All characters © Trixie “AltrixWrites” Mills
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By all accounts, it was a normal morning for the residents of Sytry Street, a subsection of the town of Crossroads. The sun was creeping up over the horizon, parents and children were just starting to wake up and greet the day, and the birds chirped with little to no care in the world. It was the start of a picturesque day, the kind that made one feel as though nothing could go wrong.
But as anyone living on Sytry Street unfortunately did know, it was when things were going perfectly that they were bound to go wrong quickly. And go wrong quick things did, for a familiar and unbearable voice was making its way down the sidewalk...
“Move aside, deadbeats! Pay your respects! Turn those lenses towards me! Your Empress of Erotica has arrived once more!”
It was the self-proclaimed best succubus in the world, Kamika Malagic, barking orders from a gaudy pink megaphone. She rode in atop a lush, lavender pillow, being carried by the large and bulky gargoyle Toil, who could do the job well enough, but met the entire set-up with disgruntled disdain. Ahead of him was the smaller, more bat-like gargoyle Trouble, who tossed a shower of flower petals from a basket in his arms. The small ninja Double-Double carried a large pink feather, which he used to fan his Mistress and provide cool air.
It hadn’t been long since Kamika had moved into the small town of Crossroads; this was just the next town in a long list of locales that she had frequented before. But she had a good feeling about Crossroads; this was a historical town, home to both humans AND demi-humans, making it the perfect place to establish her beautiful utopia.
Yet, something seemed amiss. Kamika noticed this, and leaned over to Double-Double.
“Are these people zombies or something? How come they’re all giving me that look? They should be looking at me like I’m the prime rib, for crying out loud!” she complained.
Double-Double examined the surrounding area. What little people were present at that moment held either bewilderment, indifference, or annoyance on their faces, but no one looked even remotely happy to see Kamika. This could have been due to a variety of factors, but the biggest factor was that it was early in the morning, and a loud, scantily-clad succubus was the last thing anyone wanted to deal with at the crack of dawn.
“Everyone is still adjusting to the break of dawn,” he explained to Kamika. “I believe we may have started a little too early in the morning.”
“No way,” Kamika responded with a scoff, “all future servants should realize that, if they wanna get in my good graces, they should be lining the streets by 6 in the morning! I can’t have a utopia that doesn’t greet their Mistress with an early morning smile, now can I?”
“Well I say if you’re early to rise, you’re early to get back to bed,” Toil grumbled. Kamika stomped on her pillow, effectively giving Toil a kick to his head.
“Shut up and keep walking!” she barked, before she turned her fiery gaze to Trouble. “And you! Quit eating the ceremonial petals!”
Trouble, who had now been stuffing his face with flower petals, turned his exasperated gaze back to Kamika.
“Aww c’mon, can’t I at least have breakfast??” he whined. “You can’t buy the tastiest flavor and then tell me not to eat it!”
“You’re not supposed to eat it anyway!” growled Kamika. It was drastically turning into one of those moments for Kamika; if her minions weren’t running their mouths, they were just being stupid and aggravating to deal with. She pinched her forehead in frustration.
“Honestly, things would be so much easier if you just-”
“Hey, uh, Mistress?” Toil by this point had stopped in his tracks, causing Trouble and Double-Double to do the same. Kamika, considering this to be the last straw, lowered her head down from her seat and glared at her ghoulish minion.
“And WHY have we stopped moving?!” she demanded fiercely. Toil reeled his head back, meeting Kamika’s fury with his own growing dread.
“We got company,” he replied, pointing straight ahead of them.
A human, what appeared to be a young woman, stood just a ways away from them, with her back turned to them. Her long black cape billowed in the wind, followed closely by a huge, brown ponytail held together by a large red ribbon. Her hands were placed squarely on her hips as she stood proudly on her blue shoes. Despite how dramatic she appeared, she neither made a sound or moved a muscle. She just... stood there, refusing to even look at Kamika and the gang.
Toil and Trouble both stared at the newcomer, eyes wide with fear as they gulped down a heaping helping of anxiety. Double-Double stood his ground and glared at the stranger, while Kamika regarded her with an unimpressed upper eyebrow.
“Yeah? What about her?” Kamika asked Toil impatiently.
“She was like this when I found her. I think she might be dangerous!” Toil suggested.
Despite his best efforts to steer clear of danger, Kamika could only laugh.
“Ha! As if a mere human can do anything to stop me! Tell her to stick to the sidewalk before she gets herself hurt,” she demanded.
“But she’s already on the- ...never mind.” Toil eventually conceded, and called out to the strange woman. “Hey, lady? Couldja move outta the way please??”
...The woman shifted her head slightly.
“‘Mere human...?’” she spoke, loud enough to hear.
Toil blinked in confusion.
“Uh, we’re kinda in the middle of somethin’? You should proooobably move outta the way before-”
“‘MERE HUMAN?!?’” the woman screeched in rage. Toil and Trouble shook and chattered their teeth, while Double-Double laid a hand on his blade. Kamika, still not feeling up for being intimidated, settled for being bewildered.
“What’s her problem?” she asked no one in particular.
With a flourish of her cape, the woman turned around to face the demons before her. Her blue uniform complimented her striking, azure eyes and her dull, grey skirt, yet she was far from plain-looking. If her cape wasn’t strange enough, she also bore an armband with a hellish face, and had plenty of white wrapping on her hands. It was hard to tell if she was making a statement, fulfilling a demonic heritage, or just acting really silly.
“You dare refer to one as powerful and illustrious as I as a mere human?!” she snarled with scorn. “I had thought that demonkind were more perspicacious than this, but it appears they are more vacuous than I had anticipated!”
“...What?” Kamika asked, her confusion gradually growing.
“Well? Do you doubt the veracity of my assertions?” the woman asked with a grin. “Perhaps you are stymied by my prodigious presence!”
“...Did you get a word of that?” Toil asked Trouble, who merely shrugged.
“She’s calling us stupid,” Double-Double pointed out.
“ExCUSE ME?!” Kamika bellowed, stepping off her pillow and marching straight to the newcomer. “And just who do you think you are calling ME stupid?! I don’t take ANY lip from some NOBODY like YOU!!”
“Well, only a fool would not know of me,” said the woman with a smirk, “for I am the very incarnation of otherworldly beauty! My legacy extends far beyond the stars, for there is not a soul in the entire universe that does not know my name! I am Countess Elizabeth, the Everlasting Matriarch of the Forgotten Realms!!”
During her entire monologue, she struck a number of flashy poses and hand gestures, all in an effort to give her introduction some style and flair. What it really did was convince Kamika and the rest of her minions that she was absolutely insane.
Once she had introduced herself, Elizabeth looked to Kamika with a scowl.
“And don’t you forget it, plebeian.”
“Plebeian?! ME?!” Kamika howled. “You have SOME nerve calling me that, you pretentious wannabe!”
Elizabeth observed Kamika thoughtfully. She had half-expected another dumbfounded look from the succubus, but was marginally surprised when she actually knew what that word meant. She was going to be trickier to deal with than she had imagined... but she couldn’t shower her adversary in any compliments.
“But is it not true?” she asked snidely. “I have inspired countless legends that have improved the lives of many throughout the cosmos! You, on the other hand, are far too insignificant for even the lowliest scribe to pontificate on. Why, I doubt anyone even has knowledge of your name!”
Kamika grit her teeth; out of all the humans she had met, this one was already shooting up her list of those she considered the most bothersome to deal with. But, she soon composed herself; the best way to fight off someone like this was to use their own ammunition against them, and that’s exactly what she did.
“Well, only a fool would not know of me,” she said mockingly, “for you are in the presence of the most powerful and alluring succubus in all of existence! There’s not a soul alive - man, woman, or non-binary - who would not flock to me in order to obey my every whim! In fact, you should feel blessed that I, the great Kamika Malagic, have chosen to appear before you and give you an idol to worship!”
Right in tune with Elizabeth, Kamika did her own flashy and seductive poses to get her appeal over with her opponent. All three of her minions instead just felt overwhelming embarrassment at that moment. Elizabeth remained unimpressed.
“Hmph! As if a harlot such as yourself could ever hope to call themselves the most powerful in all of existence! You merely bring shame upon the great legends of the world!” Elizabeth taunted.
“Well it’s a hell of a lot better than being some stupid kid who only knows how to play dress-up!” Kamika retaliated.
“A lowly imp like YOU would DARE mock my lineage?!” Elizabeth screamed.
“Who are YOU calling ‘lowly,’ you DELUSIONAL GRADE-SCHOOLER?!” Kamika snapped.
It was at this point that Double-Double decided to intervene.
“Excuse me-”
“WHAT?!” Kamika and Elizabeth shouted in unison at Double-Double. He stood there in shock for a moment, then he cleared his throat.
“I doubt there is anything to gain from squabbling among yourselves in this manner. For the good of the neighborhood, I suggest you find a means to resolve this situation.” Double-Double spoke with calm, calculated words. Despite his attempt to diffuse the situation, Kamika still brushed him off.
“Please, as if there’s even a point to that,” she scoffed. “We all know I could whup this little brat without even trying.”
“You still doubt the extent of my power?!” Elizabeth spat out hastily. “If you are so assured in your victory, then prove yourself to me! I declare a contest of strength!!”
“I beg your pardon?” Kamika asked, looking at Elizabeth in disgust like she was a piece of trash she threw out yesterday.
“You heard me, wench. We shall utilize our abilities to the fullest in a gladiatorial battle to the death!” Elizabeth stated. “There, we shall prove once and for all who is the strongest in the universe!”
Was this girl for real? Kamika could hardly believe all the childish things that were coming out of a grown woman’s mouth. Still, the idea did sound tantalizing to her, if only for the opportunity to put this dumb girl in her place. She grinned.
“Fine then, I’ll play your little game,” she said, “and the winner gets the spoils! The entirety of Crossroads will go to only the strongest!”
“Ha! You would give away such a reward just like that?” Elizabeth taunted. “Very well, I accept your terms! But know that your feeble life hangs by a thread at this very moment!”
“Don’t count yourself the victor just yet, for I’ll make sure to crush you underneath my heel~!” Kamika fired back, her evil smile not dropping for a second.
“So, are you guys gonna do this in the middle of the street?” Toil asked. Both Kamika and Elizabeth glared at him, but eventually realized he had a point. They were both out in the open, and the last thing they wanted were innocent bystanders getting in the way of their glorious battle.
“...Do you wanna just go to the park or something?” Kamika asked, in what felt like a stark contrast from her previous prickly behavior.
“...Fine,” Elizabeth responded with a sigh. “Lead us to our battleground.”