Kamika Malagic Encourages Swearing (Part 2)

Part of The Sordid Tales of Kamika Malagic
All characters © Trixie “AltrixWrites” Mills
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It wasn’t uncommon for the residents of Sytry Street to find Megan Skye doing some helpful chores around the neighborhood. In fact, today was the perfect day for her to be doing her current task; the garbage truck would be here soon, and as anyone who’s spent way too long living in a dump could attest, through actually living in the nearby dump or otherwise, they were a vital service to keeping the town of Crossroads as clean as it could be.
Megan plopped the bag of statue rubble next to her trash can, admiring her handiwork with a smile.
“That takes care of that!” she said with a nod. “Now for the kitchen trash.”
And just like that, she marched back to her house to gather the rest of her garbage. Meanwhile, Kamika Malagic and her cronies watched her every move, peering at her from over the fence.
“Look at how disgusting she is,” Kamika groused with contempt. “She thinks she’s so good just because she knows how to get some garbage together? Please.”
“She’s just taking out the trash,” Toil pointed out. “People do that all the time.”
“Not me; I always eat it before they can get to it!” Trouble boasted proudly.
Toil, choosing not to comment on Trouble’s choice of dietary habits, turned back to Kamika.
“So, what are we even doin’ here again?” he asked. “How’s spyin’ on her gonna solve everything?”
“Oh it’s not just about spying, Toil,” Kamika explained with a smile. “People tend to get upset and utter that which they shouldn’t the INSTANT they experience any inconvenience. So all we have to do is make sure our dear Megan says exactly what I want to hear in her moment of crisis~”
“Okaaaay,” Toil responded, trying to comprehend Kamika’s logic. “So are we just gonna steal her trash or what?”
Kamika had had enough of Toil's blatant stupidity for one day, but before she could properly divulge their exact plan, Megan came out of her house with another large trash bag in hand.
“There she is!” hissed the succubus. She turned to Double-Double. “Make that trash spill like a gas leak!”
“Consider it done,” said Double-Double. He brandished one of his razor sharp shuriken and, with frightening accuracy, threw it at Megan’s trash bag. It tore through the air like a hawk diving for its prey, but it was so tiny and flew so silently that it might as well have not been there. Not even Megan noticed the shuriken as it sliced the underside of her trash bag; in fact, the only thing she was noticing at that moment were the contents of the bag spilling out onto the driveway.
Kamika braced herself with a manic grin, eager to see Megan lose it all at once. Megan, however, stared blankly at the mess before offering a disappointed frown.
“...Rats,” she mumbled. Even for someone who tended to look on the bright side of life, spilling garbage was still just as upsetting to anyone else. Nevertheless, she hunkered down and tried to gather what she could.
Kamika, meanwhile, looked on in shock.
“That’s all she had to say???” she asked incredulously.
“Well, what’d you expect?” Toil asked genuinely. “She’s not the kinda gal to flip out over somethin’ as minor as that.”
“Ohhh no, I see her little game,” Kamika growled with pursed lips. “She thinks she can go an entire day without swearing? We’ll just see about that.”
She ducked back behind the fence to deliberate further. Her minions, not wanting to remain in sight and have to answer awkward questions, soon followed suit.
---
Eventually, Megan was finally done with the trash, but it had finished later than she had hoped. Now was approaching lunchtime, a period of the day where most human beings found themselves wracked with indecision. Fortunately, Megan always had her old favorite to rely upon: a tuna fish sandwich with mayonnaise.
As she munched away happily on her midday meal, she was all too unaware of the presence of four individuals watching her - and even more unaware that they were all right behind her couch.
“Ugh, and now she eats tuna sandwiches? Is this girl a health freak or what??” Kamika whispered in disgust.
“Wow. Who gets mad at somebody over that?” asked Trouble, all too aware of who he was talking to. Kamika bonked him on the head, but then turned back to Megan with a sneer.
“Just you wait, Little Miss Perfect,” Kamika plotted. “Once we’ve spoiled your lunchtime, I can finally show the world just how horrible you really are.”
...She turned to Double-Double.
“You did make sure to ruin her lunch, yes?”
Double-Double presented Kamika with a carton of milk.
“I have procured this milk from her refrigerator. She is bound to exude great discomfort upon finding none left,” he stated.
“...Are you serious?” Kamika asked, dumbfounded and angry with the one minion that was supposed to have a good head on his shoulders. “Who in their right mind drinks milk with a tuna sandwich?!”
“...Oh! I should get some milk to go with this!” Megan said to no one in particular, rising from her seat and heading over to her refrigerator. All of the demons hiding behind her couch except for Double-Double looked at her in revulsion.
“Well... we can at least make fun of her weird diet?” Toil offered. It wasn’t a very helpful suggestion, but it was the best idea he had for the day.
Kamika was too busy focusing on Megan to mind Toil, however. The closer Megan got to her fridge, the faster Kamika’s heart pounded. This was going to be a moment to go down in history, the one where Megan’s act was dropped entirely and her true, ugly personality would be known to the world at last. It was so close, just a little further now...
Megan eventually opened her fridge and peered inside. Unfortunately, there was no milk to be found. Kamika prepared herself to leap out and catch Megan in her trap...
“...Oh. That’s weird,” Megan said, crossing her arms and tilting her head. “I could’ve sworn I had a fresh carton...”
After thinking on the matter a little bit, she eventually shrugged her shoulders.
“Oh well. Guess I’m going to the store today!” she decided.
With a pep in her step, she grabbed her tuna sandwich, slung her purse over her shoulder, and headed out the door. Once she was out of sight, Kamika flipped.
“WHAT GIVES?!?” she screamed. “Is it so much to ask to get her to swear ONCE?!”
“It would appear she is far more resilient than we give her credit for,” Double-Double observed. “Perhaps our endeavor is a fruitless one after all.”
“Like hell it is!” Kamika barked back before glaring at the front door. “I’ll get her to swear one way or another. If minor setbacks won’t work, then maybe it’s time for a more... direct approach.”
---
The Store of the Flies, while not the most appealing grocery store title in the world, was nonetheless the perfect hub for those who wanted an all-purpose shopping experience. In this multiplex market, televisions went hand in hand with taco seasonings, and it was easy for everyone to find what they were looking for, demihuman or otherwise.
Megan really only needed the one thing on her list at the moment, but figured she had enough time to grab whatever was on her mind. She pushed her tiny little cart around, the things she had already gathered rattling inside as she hummed to herself. There were quite a number of things she had gotten already, but now was the time to get what she really came for.
As she made her way towards the refrigerated section, a pair of eyes was watching her from behind a newspaper. A certain robed individual was watching her every move with great interest...
...Then, once Megan was out of eyesight, the cutout of Double-Double reading a newspaper vanished in a puff of smoke, and the real Double-Double whipped out his smartphone. He considered it a tacky thing the first time he got it, but begrudgingly accepted its usage in the modern world for situations like now.
“The white dove approaches the frozen tundra,” he spoke cryptically into the phone.
“How many times do I have to tell you to talk like a normal person when you’re on the phone?!” Kamika barked on the other end of the call.
Double-Double pinched his forehead and sighed. Curse these modern demihumans for their ignorance of coded language...
“She is approaching your location,” he finally said. “Have you finished preparations?”
“Oh, don’t worry about us,” Kamika responded gleefully. “We’re doing juuuust fine~”
Further down the rightmost side of the store were Kamika and the other two gargoyles. Kamika was content to loiter around the refrigerated section for any sign of Megan, while Toil and Trouble were busy scribbling something onto every milk carton they could get their hands on.
“If by ‘we,’ she really just means ‘us,’” Toil grumbled as he scribbled away. “She acts like we’re not gonna get banned from the store for pullin’ this crap.”
“Well hey, if they do kick us out, do ya think they’ll toss all this out too??” Trouble asked, baring his fangs into a gleeful grin. “We wouldn’t have to worry about milk for a good long while!”
“They can just wipe it off,” Toil mentioned. “It’s not like we’ve already torn into it or anything.”
“That sounds like a challenge to me!” Trouble said with glee. “Lemme see if I can just-”
“Quiet, you two, she’s coming!!” Kamika hissed at her minions, jerking them away from the milk section just as they were wrapping up preparations.
Megan came into the picture just a few seconds later, all too unaware of the eyes watching her from afar. As of that moment, her mind was elsewhere, specifically on the rows of refrigerated drinks that lay before her.
“Now let’s see, where’s the kind I always get...” she wondered aloud as her eyes scanned milk cartons on every shelf. Eventually, she found her prize.
“There it is!” Megan exclaimed as she opened the door, reached inside, and pulled out her milk carton of choice. “Say FFFFfffff...”
She froze. Typically, a normal person would expect the milk carton she had picked up to belong to Satyr Folk Farms, a brand of milk accompanied by the image of a satyr in farmhand clothing offering a friendly thumbs up. But bizarrely, someone had scribbled on the front of the milk carton in such a way that certain letters were scribbled out, and new letters were scribbled over the old ones. These elements all combined into a certain vulgar phrase that Megan very nearly said out loud in a public space.
Megan looked around nervously, hoping nobody overheard her or saw what she had in her hand. Stealthily, she slid the milk carton back where she found it, and grabbed a different milk carton.
“...Say F-”
She immediately put it back. The same vandalization that happened with the last milk carton had also happened to this one. In fact, if she were to inspect every carton of Satyr Folk Farms branded milk, all of them would have the same phrase stuck onto them like graffiti. Needless to say, she was stunned and horrified.
“...I-I didn’t need milk anyway!” Pushing back her anxiety with a forced smile, she power-walked over to the checkout counter, leaving the milk where it was.
Kamika watched all of this unfold from a nearby aisle along with Toil and Trouble, and she couldn’t help but smile to herself.
“I knew you’d start slipping eventually~” she chuckled with malice. “But don’t think you’ve gotten away just yet. Once you let loose that swear, your days are numbered!”
“...Is it even possible for your life to be ruined by a swear?” Toil questioned, which elicited a heavy eye roll from Kamika.
“Shut up and follow me,” she ordered as she made her way out of the store, holding her phone up to her mouth. “Double-Double, it’s time we got serious!”