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Princess Irony

By DX

Irony.

Princess Natalia knew all about irony. It was all she thought about.

Irony.

As she lay in bed and stared at the silk canopy above her, the word filled her thoughts. She had commanded conquering armies, held the life and death of a nation at her whim, yet now couldn't even get out of bed without assistance.

Irony.

A small word that meant so much.

The Princess's royal maids drifted soundlessly into the room like specters and silently roused the handmaidens. The bed warming handmaidens uncurled themselves from around the Princess, backfilling thick warm quilts around her Highness to keep the heat, then softly, like ghosts, clambered out of bed. They quickly dressed in the near dark while the royal maids prepared the room.

They performed their duties as if the Princess Natalia was still sleeping soundly, even though they knew she was wide awake.

With everything in place, the head royal maid opened the heavy curtains and filled the room with pure, white light. It was then the royal maids began the delicate routine of helping the Princess out of the gigantic royal bed, while the handmaidens waited patiently on their knees beside the bed.

Natalia watched the near blank faces of the royal maids move around her. The royal maids held no hint of smugness, no snide impudence. They performed their duties mechanically, and expertly. Natalia could only imagine what they were thinking. She had ordered their mouths surgically removed a few years ago. She had forgotten what slight they had committed, doing it mostly on a whim. It probably wasn’t because one spoke out of turn, they knew the punishment for that would be quite severe, and more likely one of them had looked a little too longingly at the Princesses’ royal cupcake before it was thrown into the trash. ‘How dare they dream of eating from Our royal plate! You will take your soupy gruel through a rubber hose from now on!’

And the royal surgeon saw to it. Just as she had taken away their sex organs, leaving them smooth androgynous. One of them had bigger breasts than her Highness, so she had them removed. She did both maids because she treated them as a matched set…but then they looked too much like boys, so she had fake breasts, round and obvious, implanted in their place.

Mocking them.

Now, as they eased her to a sitting position, she wondered who was mocking whom now

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